This Beautiful Mess

whimsical

2011-09-02T06:40:00.002-05:00

It has taken me awhile to post this. I wrote a poem, and it honestly kind of embarrasses me. First, I don't really write poems. I'm not a poet. Second, it rhymes, and I don't think poems are really supposed to actually rhyme anymore. Plus, it's kind of sing-songy, which I know is worse. Plus, it's a poem on whimsy, and I'm pretty sure a poem on whimsy should be fanciful enough that it wouldn't want to rhyme. Finally, I used a very cute whimsical font when I wrote the poem, and Blogger, which apparently does not value whimsy, translated that font into tragically unfanciful letters.

But I'm sharing my rhyming, sing-songy fabrication of a poem here anyway, because I have this notion that sticking my neck and risking the fact that you might want to chop off the head that spewed forth this poem might be good for me. It might make me more whimsical or something.

Actually, the poem came about partly because I sit upstairs in my attic for 30 minutes every day in blessed solitude, and I feel like I need to churn out something (anything!) to justify real-live time alone, and it also came about because someone I respect very much told me she thought I was whimsical. And this very non-whimsical-feeling-stressed-out-Type-A-perfectionist nearly leapt out of her chair and tackled the poor woman with a giant, quite possibly unwhimsical, hug. Whimsical, I repeated to myself. She thinks I'm whimsical. So instead of sitting up in my attic daydreaming about myself as whimsical, I wrote about what whimsical feels like to me...should I someday actually achieve whimsy. (And really, those last two words seriously damage my chances of every truly being whimsical. "Achieve" and "whimsy" should not link together in the same sentence. Ah well. A girl, even one who feels as non-whimsical as myself, can dream.)

Whimsical

Whimsy is a flowing dress
a scent
dark hair blue eyes.

Whimsy sits out on the deck
sips wine
no mask no guise

Whimsy loves to sing and dance
is free
voice, body fly.

Whimsy and creative meet
join hands
reach, brush the sky.

Whimsy loves to garden
barefoot
dirt between her toes

Whimsy loves with passion
carefree
like poetic prose

Whimsy walks in beauty
with grace
in her beautiful mess

Whimsy walks in peace
in hope
that her life will bless.

play on words

2011-08-12T08:18:00.000-05:00

disconnect

disembodied from spirit, passion, love

con(n)stricted to the convex of soul

ectogenesis...life outside of life

thoughts on living simply

2011-08-08T08:13:00.003-05:00

Thoughts on Living Simply: Day 1

I’ve been thinking about living more simply. But it’s hard. For example, I am sitting upstairs in my bedroom. This is what I see:

An unmade bed. A sheet on the floor at the end of the bed. (I guess I was a restless sleeper.) The Three Little Pigs. Poems for the Very Young. A package of baby wipes. Three crumpled baby wipes that I used last night to wash my face. Six books scattered on the floor by the bed (Reluctant Pilgrim, The Bible, The Book of Common Prayer, The Pale King, The Joy of Less (HA), Surprised by Hope. Two more books sitting catawampus on my desk (All That is Bitter and Sweet. Unconditional Parenting). Two magazines (hand-me-down Mary Janes Farm). A megaphone. A glass of water. A bottle of water. A can of half-frozen La Croix lime-flavored sparkling water (my post-workout treat). A Quik Trip lid and straw. An overflowing trash can. A dusty bedside table. A split-open smoke detector. A bag of cough drops. A charger for Matt-only-knows-what. A stray sock. A sports bra. Clothes from two days ago. My half-empty coffee cup.

It sounds worse than it is.

No really.

I have to say that, because as I write I am filled with utter, horrific, paralyzing shame.

And now I have to backpedal really really fast and make you like me again and tell you that my downstairs looks better than this room does. I think there are a few dishes in the sink, but I wouldn’t be mortified if my mother unexpectedly waltzed through the door. Right now, though, I am hidden up in the attic. I only come here to sleep and to write. When I come up here to go to sleep I am too tired to clean it up. When I wake up in the morning I am too tired to clean it up. But honestly, based on the mental gymnastics that go on in my brain when I write, I am surprised I haven’t convinced myself that I need a pristine workspace and that I haven’t spent all of my writing time cleaning up. That says something, probably.

Thoughts on Living Simply: Day 2

It doesn’t look quite so bad in here this morning. I threw the dirty babywipes in the overflowing trash can on my way out the door yesterday. I also carried down my water bottle and my water glass and my coffee cup and my can of sparkling water (I have a fear of dehydration, it seems). Because I had written about the cough drops being up here, I even remembered where they were last night when Amélie asked for one. I have a new half-empty coffee cup up here at my desk this morning, plus a half-eaten omelet which will, most certainly, be completely eaten by the time I finish my 30-minute writing stint. Everything else is pretty much as it was yesterday, except that the books, while still on the floor, have adjusted their positions a bit based on where I tossed them after reading last night.

Thoughts on Living Simply: Day 3

I think I am imprisoned by my clutter. It seems that way, anyway, since I can’t get beyond actually writing about it.

Again, everything is pretty much positioned as it was on Day 1 and Day 2. Our puppy Leia just found a bottle of Tylenol that was buried someplace, though, and she is now using it as a chew toy. And yes, I am aware that it is a very bad idea to let the puppy chew on a bottle of Tylenol, but taking it away involves taking responsibility for where this bottle of Tylenol should actually go. Besides, she kind of looks like she might have a headache. Tomorrow I do know that one of the books on my desk won’t be here anymore, because it is due at the library. At least, I hope it won’t be there tomorrow. What are the odds I will remember to go to the library today?

Here’s what I don’t get: if I love order so much, why do I have such a hard time attaining it? If my life is ever-so-much-more peaceful when my environment is orderly, why is it not orderly???

One time I was staying at this one place, and I’m not going to tell you where I was, but let me tell you about it. I had someone wake me up at 6:00 in the morning so that I could take a shower. I actually had to check out my shower items, which was annoying, but at least they were all together and someone knew where they were! I took a shower, got dressed, put on makeup, fixed my hair, and then I straightened up my room before heading to breakfast. The room was not attractive, by any means. The walls were bare, and I remember that the comforter on the bed was a sickly shade of pink. I had a small wooden desk and a chair, and my school books were neatly lined up on the shelves above the desk. Every morning I would make my bed, straighten the shelves, and then take a deep breath and look around the room with peaceful satisfaction. It took me approximately 3 minutes to clean up that room, because my possessions were so few, and I could not believe how the timbre of orderliness in that room struck a chord of peace within my soul. Then my day would begin, following the schedule posted on the giant pad of paper at the front of the common room, and while my days there were not easy by any means, the fact that I had a sparse, neat room to return to at various points during the day helped tether my soul to a peace I am certain I would not have felt otherwise.

So the question is this: why don’t I live like that? Granted, I stayed in this place only 10 days, and there were many things I need in my daily life that I didn’t need there. I didn’t do the cooking. I didn’t do the cleaning. I didn’t have kids at the time. I didn’t suddenly take up a new hobby there. And granted, by the time those 10 days were up I was nearly clawing at the door to get out, but I don’t think that the reason was because I had been staying in a clean, organized room.

Some days I literally gaze into the distance and fantasize about that place. Many days I wish I could bring that place here (minus the sickly pink comforter on the bed). Why don’t I? I think—I know—I am too attached to my things. Some reasons are valid. Some not so much.

We have these friends. They are Amish. Well, technically they are not Amish. They are Germanic Anabaptist Brethren. Or Anabaptist Germanic Brethren. Or something like that. They look Amish to us (minus the fact that they use buttons instead of pins, which in my mind is a wise alteration). They live in a simple house. They wear simple clothes. They don’t drive cars. They don’t have TVs or cell phones or laptops or game consoles or, actually, any electricity at all. The first time we met them was in the spring at the Kansas City Food Circle. We bought some eggs from Maria, their 15-year-old daughter, and her eyes were pools of peace. It was remarkable. It made me a little squirmy inside, because I wondered what she saw when she looked in my eyes. I longed for the peace in her eyes to reflect back into the anxiety of my own. We signed up for their CSA, partly because Amélie is obsessed with the Amish, partly because we thought that maybe if we ate their food we would somehow swallow their peace. I don’t think, however, that there are special peace vitamins in their beets or tomatoes or peppers. What I think is that their uncluttered life clears space in their heads and hearts and souls for an uncluttered, peaceful soul. They have found, I believe, that to find God and to find peace they need to clear a path. On the other hand, I begin each day longing for God and for peace, but along the way that reception gets all broken up, and I lose God and lose peace in the static of my email, my cell phone, my Facebook page, my things (and then more of my things).

But I don’t think I would look very cute in a bonnet, so becoming Amish isn’t an option for me. Besides, I don’t know how to sew, nor do I know how to eke out a sustainable existence. I don’t think those 9 quarts of salsa that I jarred last Sunday would keep us alive for long come winter.

So what do I do? How do I let go of the chains of my stuff that I drag with me everywhere I go? How do I simplify? Where do I go to detox from my addiction to stuff and technology?

Maybe I should start with one thing. One piece of physical or emotional clutter.

Here’s what I came up with for this week:

One piece of physical clutter: give away or throw away 10 items a day

One piece of emotional clutter: check facebook/email 10 times a day (this mortifies me, btw, that 10 times is actually an improvement. I almost didn’t post it here. I am really bad about walking by my computer and sweeping my finger across the touch pad to spend a minute or two checking in with people and finding out what they had for lunch or what book they are reading or what funny thing their kid just did. I don’t know that I technically spend that much time on FB, but if nothing else it distracts me from what I was originally doing, which then can lead to more distractions, which then…you get the picture.)

So what about you? How do you get rid of physical and emotional clutter in your life?

Communion: I Serve You in the Love of Christ

2011-07-21T15:42:00.002-05:00

I felt a tap on my shoulder, startling me from my reverie. It was a spring Sunday morning. Matt was upstairs helping with the kids. I was sitting alone in my pew. The service was winding down, and it was time for communion. As I was sitting in that pew, with my head bowed, I probably looked the part of a pensive, meditative worshipper. But I was not praying. I was staring down at the spiral bound notebook in my lap. The tap on my shoulder was so startling because I was afraid I was going to get caught, and I immediately sought to conceal the small book in my lap. I had not been jotting down sermon notes or composing a pre-communion prayer. Instead, I had been scribbling out my to-do list, a list that spanned laundry and homeschool prep and long-overdue emails and housecleaning. As I stared down at my completed list, I felt overwhelmed and a wee bit panicky that I was sitting quietly in church rather than ticking something off of that list.

The tap on my shoulder had distracted me out of a meditation more tellurian than sacred.

When I glanced up, my guilty eyes looked into those of Geo, one of our pastors. She was not tapping me on the shoulder to reprimand me, however. Instead, she was asking me to help with communion. I had never helped with communion before, but of course I nodded my head yes, stuffed the notebook into my purse, and followed her up the aisle.

We had been attending our church for two years, and I walk up to take communion nearly every Sunday. But as I was a bit nervously standing there next to Geo, I could not remember for the life of me what I was supposed to say as each worshipper dipped the bread into the cup.

I leaned over and whispered, “Um, am I supposed to say something?” She looked at me (and I imagined that her look was incredulous, but I am pretty sure that I was actually imagining the look), and she whispered back, “I serve you in the love of Christ.”

Got it. I can do that, I thought.

The music began, and I saw and heard, from this front-row vantage point, the creak of pews, the whispered “excuse me’s,” and the silently exchanged smiles of my community as they swept up the aisles to receive communion and then as they walked back to their seats, all of them quietly engaged in a holy ritual that I have been a part of for years but that I had never had the opportunity to observe in this way.

“I serve you in the love of Christ,” I said quietly to each worshipper as they plunged their bread into the cup.

“I serve you in the love of Christ,” I said as I looked into the eyes of my dear friends.

“I serve you in the love of Christ,” I said to people with whom I had never exchanged more than a friendly nod or a shy “hello” at the coffee table.

“I serve you in the love of Christ,” I whispered as I squatted lower to meet the outstretched hand of a child.

“I serve you in the love of Christ.”

I walked back to my pew, and my heart was full of worship and wonder.

The ritual was so simple.

And the words, while rooted in a sacred tradition, were not magic.

But there was something mystical about it. Something holy. Something that softened my duty-driven heart and shifted its perspective.

I still got out my to-do list when I got home. But something had changed within me. I felt a little silly, but it seemed that if serving my church family in a rite as simple as communion could feel holy, then what about the simple rites I perform for my own family?

As I wash and fold laundry…"I serve you in the love of Christ."

As I pick up discarded toys and stray shoes and abandoned artwork…"I serve you in the love of Christ."

As I chop vegetables…"I serve you in the love of Christ."

As I wrap my son in a hug…"I serve you in the love of Christ."

As I stop what I am doing to look my daughter in the eye and listen to her story…"I serve you in the love of Christ."

As I abandon my to-do list to sit on the porch with my husband and exchange our souls…"I serve you in the love of Christ."

And the next week communion was that much sweeter and more meaningful to me as I walked forward, took the bread, dipped it into the cup, and heard the host softly say to me, “I serve you in the love of Christ.”

Read for the Heart--TOS Review

2011-05-27T11:48:00.000-05:00

To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark. Victor Hugo

If you know me at all, you know how much I love to read and how important it is that my kids love to read as well. I have three favorite parts to my day: 1.) when I do read-aloud time with Amélie during our school day. Right now, for example, I am reading the Newbery-winning book, Moon over Manifest, and I can't wait for that time each day to read to her to see what is going to happen next. I also love it when she reads to me--at the moment she is reading Encyclopedia Brown, and neither of us is very good at solving those mysteries! 2.) when I read to Jack before his nap. At the moment he is obsessed with The Three Little Pigs, so I read it every.single.day. Somehow the story is new to him every day, and his enthusiasm for the story can't help but be contagious. 3.) when we read books to the kids before bed. Jack picks out a picture book, and Matt is reading through the Little House on the Prairie books with Amélie. We also find minutes during the day to read, and honestly, if I could spend my whole day reading I would.

Needless to say, then, I was thrilled to receive the book Read for the Heart: Whole Books for Wholehearted Families by Sarah Clarkson. I have wanted to buy a reference book for good reading materials, because honestly, when I get to the library, I am sometimes both over- and underwhelmed with my choices. This book has definitely helped me narrow down my choices and pick out some treasures for us to read.

This book is not just a list of books, however; it is also a heartfelt and convincing challenge to read to our kids because of the reading's importance in our lives. Clarkson's words at the end of the first chapter echo the words of my own heart:

"I read to live. Every book I've read and every story that has made itself a part of my imagination has taught me something about what it means to live life well. I'm passionate about reading because I'm passionate about life. Great stories influence the way I live in the here and now."

That paragraph nearly makes me cry. sniff. sniff.

Obviously, I am a wee bit passionate about reading.

And, not to tell you what to do or anything, but you should be passionate about you and your kids reading, too. According to Clarkson, "Less than one third of 13-year-olds are daily readers, [and] 15- to 24-year-olds spend only 7-10 minutes a day on voluntary reading, [yet] spend two to two and a half hours per day watching TV" (32-33). Scary. Very scary.

There is hope, however, and if you don't know where to begin in introducing good books to your kids (or even if you do, but love to have suggestions) then this book is for you! You can find suggestions for books in the following categories:

Picture Books
The Golden Age Classics
Children's Fiction
Fairy Tales and Fantasy
History and Biography
Spiritual Reading for Children
Music, Art, and Nature

Each entry provides a brief summary of the book as well as an appropriate age level. There is also an appendix in the back with award winners and some of her favorite books.

This book is available for $17.00 from Apologia. You can even check out a sample chapter and the table of contents. This is my last review for the year, and honestly, I think this is a case of saving the best for last. Out of all the things I have reviewed this year--and there has been some great stuff--I think that I will probably glean the most value from this book.

If you would like to see what my fellow crewmates are saying about Read for the Heart, check out there reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

Go Trybe--TOS Review

2011-05-11T21:42:00.000-05:00

As a homeschooling mom, physical fitness has definitely been a concern of mine. Amélie doesn't have an official "Physical Education" class, nor does she have "recess" time. I put "Physical Education" and "recess" in quotes, because while those are not official parts of our homeschool day, we try to spend a lot of time outside playing or walking our dogs, and she has had PE time with some of the homeschool-related activities we have done this year. Even with those activities, however, I have wondered if that time is enough. I was excited to try Go Trybe, because I thought this might be a nice supplemental activity to the exercise-related activities she does on a day-to-day basis.

I have to admit that when I initially looked at the program, I wasn't sure how interested Amélie would be. It is not that I thought that the program was low-quality; in fact, I was impressed with its depth and span of activities. However, we got this membership right on the cusp of Spring, and I figured she would rather spend her time outside than in front of the computer doing workouts. Instead, I found that while she still spend plenty of time outside playing, she chose to use some of her free time doing Go Trybe fitness videos. She truly loves them, and I have honestly considered joining her. :)

The energy and "fun" level in the Go-Trybe videos are wonderful. Kids can scroll through several options for warm-up, cardio, strength, and flexibility videos that they can then save to go back to later if they want to. Amélie saved some videos, but she usually enjoyed making up new sequences of workout videos each time she logged on for some variety. The videos include a fitness instructor as well as kids doing the exercises. The fitness instructors are energetic and knowledgeable, and they also include other learning aspects in with their exercises. For example, on some videos the instructor counts the exercises by counting by 5's, and another video counts in Spanish. I like this multi-learning approach.

In addition to the workout videos, students can learn nutrition information as well as receive motivational inspiration from athletes and other "fit" stars. We used this aspect a bit, but Amélie enjoyed the fitness videos the most. She also enjoyed earning points to dress up her avatar. With each video you watch or nutritional quiz you take, students can earn points to change the outfits of their avatar. I don't know that a new outfit for my avatar would motivate me, but it certainly seemed to motivate my 7-year-old. :)

Right now, Go Trybe is running a great deal. You can try out Go Trybe free for a day by clicking this link. If you decide to stick with the program, you can get a year's subscription for $19.95, which I think is a great deal. Personally, I think this program would be great especially during the winter months, and I think that once cool weather hits again, I will renew my subscription so that Amélie can have a fun, heart-pumping exercise program to do during those days we are stuck inside.

Take a peek at what my fellow crewmates are saying about Go Trybe here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free subscription of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

Yesterday's Classics--TOS Review

2011-05-04T10:45:00.000-05:00

You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be—

I had a mother who read to me.

—Strickland Gillilan

This quote is listed at the top of Yesterday's Classics website, and I must say these words strike at the heart of my beliefs about reading to my kids and my own memories of my mom reading to me. I was excited, then, for the opportunity to review the e-book collection of Yesterday's Classics, because I want to expose my kids to as many good books as possible, and here was an opportunity to download 225 of these wonderful books! I could hardly believe my good fortune! I don't have room in my house for 225 more books, so I was thrilled to download them to my Kindle.

Yesterday's Classics is a company dedicated to offering quality, literary works that may be out-of-print or hard to find at a bookstore or even a library. These books are well-written and engaging, and as their website states, they strive to "incorporate text of high literary quality, use story to engage the reader, cultivate the moral imagination, awaken an interest in the out-of-doors, furnish heroes worthy of emulation, and stimulate powers of observation."

I was incredibly impressed with this company because their beliefs about books match my own, and if they match your ideas of what good books are as well, then I think that you should check out this company!

Here is what you can get:

You can download all 225 books in either Kindle of ePub format. These books are in 22 different genres, including Children of the World, Ancient Greece, Science, Fairy Tales, and Shakespeare. If you were to download all of these books onto your Kindle or other reading device individually, it would cost you over $600. However, now through May 31st, you can download all 225 books for $99.95. If you want to try out this program, you can even download a free copy of The Dutch Twins by Lucy Fitch.

I do know that you can find some of these books online for free, but based on all of the other books available in this collection, that would not deter me from purchasing these books. Also, I have to include the disclaimer that I am head-over-heels in love with "real" books, and merely have a platonic relationship with e-books. Still, I believe that e-books can greatly contribute to the quality of one's library. And sometimes, they just make life easier. We are leaving for a camping trip today, and since Amélie has been reading, on average, a book a day, it is going to be a lot easier to let her read some of those books on my Kindle rather than loading our already weighted-down van down with her (and admittedly, my) books! ;)

Take a peek at what my fellow crewmates are saying about Yesterday's Classics here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

Latin's Not So Tough--TOS Review

2011-04-29T16:35:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to come up with a link between my review of Latin's Not So Tough: A Classical Latin Worktext and the royal wedding today, but I can't think of one at the moment, so I'll just make the awkward jump from last night's wedding post to this afternoon's post on Latin.

According to the Greek 'N' Stuff catalog, "The series introduces Latin to the young student before he or she decides that classical languages are too difficult to learn. Enjoyable activity pages implant in young minds a love of learning. Added benefits include improved thinking, reading comprehension, and writing skills. Latin expands English vocabulary through a better understanding of roots and prepares your student to study modern foreign languages if he or she so chooses."

I received Level 2 of Latin's Not So Tough: A Classical Latin Worktext. At first I was concerned that we were starting out on Level 2 rather than Level 1, but I soon found that skipping a level was not going to be a problem. This program mostly focuses on words, and students learn 50 words throughout the course of Level 2's material. There are also flashcards of each new letter, diphthong, special consonants, and words that can be cut out and used for learning and continual review. We also received a pronunciation CD, which I highly recommend, because I do not know Latin at all, and I probably would have done my child much more harm than good with my butchered pronunciation. An Answer Key is available as well, either without fulltext or answers only.

I liked the simple format of this program. As an absolute Latin novice, I was intimidated by trying to teach this language course to my daughter. I found, however, that the program was easy to follow and easy for her to understand. I wish there were some more teacher's hints, however, to help make the teaching of this program more creative and fun. After awhile, Amélie got tired of the repetitiveness of each lesson, and I kind of did as well. She is really not a worksheet kind of a gal, and the whole program is based on the worksheet principle.

I also have a rather shallow critique of this company. I am, I will admit, a sucker for visuals (you don't need to know the times I chose the prettier bottle of cleaner that was 45 cents more than its uglier counterpart just because it was, well, prettier). The company's logo and website truly need to be updated. Honestly, had I not received the product in the mail to review, I would have taken a one-second cursory glance at the site and gone on to another Latin or Greek learning program, without even checking out the program. If you take the time to open up a copy of their catalog, it is certainly more visually appealing, and the materials themselves are not an eyesore, but I would imagine that they would get considerably more business if the visitor's first glance at their product were a more attractive one.

If you were not completely turned off by the logo and website and actually took time to look at the catalog, you would certainly be impressed with the price. Here is a breakdown of Level 2's products:

Latin Level 2 Student Workbook - $18.95
Latin Level 2 Full Text Answer Key - $18.95
Latin Level 2 Answers Only Answer Key - $4.00
Latin Level 2 Quizzes/Exams - $5.50
Latin Level 2 Flashcards on a Ring - $8.00
Pronunciation CD for Latin Levels 1-3 - $10.00

I don't think this program is the right one for us, but I can definitely see how other families with kids who learn well with this type of teaching style would enjoy this program.

Take a peek at what my fellow crewmates are saying about Greek 'N Stuff products here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

quit raining on my parade...er...my royal wedding

2011-04-28T21:32:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow morning is the royal wedding.
Amélie and I are waking up early and watching it.
There. I said it. I've been afraid to post this confession on Facebook, namely because people who aren't watching it are scorning those who apologetically admit that they are.
I understand. I do.
But...
I remember being obsessed, as a 7-year-old little girl, with the "fairytale wedding" of Charles and Di.
Amélie is that 7-year-old little girl now.
I remember that my grandma and my great-grandma woke up to watch it.
My daughter's grandma and great-grandma are planning on waking up to watch the wedding of the next royal generation tomorrow morning.
I remember finding out that Princess Diana had died late at night from a security guard at the In-'N-Out drive-thru in Inglewood, CA.
I remember my 23-year-old self getting up at 3:30 in the morning a few days later to watch her funeral in my Los Angeles apartment.

Maybe it's crazy to get up early tomorrow morning to watch a wedding.
A wedding that, many say, will end in divorce.
But must we be so freaking cynical?

Amélie will never forget that she and her mom woke up early, cuddled on the couch, ate scones and drank tea, and watched yet another fairytale wedding.
I don't regret it.
I won't regret it.

But there has been news coverage ad nauseam about this event, you say?
I can't empathize.
I haven't turned on my TV in weeks.

Feel free to sleep in tomorrow. You will, most certainly, be more awake and less cranky than I will be at this time tomorrow night.

But quit raining on my parade...er...my royal wedding.

Cheers!

"Seven Stanzas at Easter" by John Updike

2011-04-24T14:03:00.000-05:00

Make no mistake: if he rose at all
It was as His body;
If the cell’s dissolution did not reverse, the molecule reknit,
The amino acids rekindle,
The Church will fall.

It was not as the flowers,
Each soft spring recurrent;
It was not as His Spirit in the mouths and fuddled eyes of the
Eleven apostles;
It was as His flesh; ours.

The same hinged thumbs and toes
The same valved heart
That—pierced—died, withered, paused, and then regathered
Out of enduring Might
New strength to enclose.

Let us not mock God with metaphor,
Analogy, sidestepping, transcendence,
Making of the event a parable, a sign painted in the faded
Credulity of earlier ages:
Let us walk through the door.

The stone is rolled back, not papier-mache,
Not a stone in a story,
But the vast rock of materiality that in the slow grinding of
Time will eclipse for each of us
The wide light of day.

And if we have an angel at the tomb,
Make it a real angel,
Weighty with Max Planck’s quanta, vivid with hair, opaque in
The dawn light, robed in real linen
Spun on a definite loom.

Let us not seek to make it less monstrous,
For our own convenience, our own sense of beauty,
Lest, awakened in one unthinkable hour, we are embarrassed
By the miracle,
And crushed by remonstrance.

See The Light Art Class-TOS Review

2011-04-22T12:13:00.000-05:00

I am not an artist. Not even kind of. My 7-year-old daughter can draw better than I can, and my 3-year-old son will be drawing better than I do as soon as he no longer combines the head and torso into one bulbous mass and remembers always to add hands and feet.

I like to think that I create art with my words, but if I had to make a living drawing pictures I would be the personification of the Starving Artist. It's not pretty.

When I decided to homeschool Amélie the idea of teaching her art was daunting to me. I often "cheat." We bake and call that art (well, it is...kind of...). We have been making a Lent and Easter mobile during this Lenten/Easter season, and I actually enjoyed that a lot, namely because it involved her tying things like a toy donkey, thorns, and a cross to a big stick hanging from my living room ceiling. There was absolutely no drawing involved. I have no idea, however, how to teach her any drawing skills. I wish her father would take over this aspect of our schooling (ahem, Matt, that little dig was pointedly intended for you).

In the meantime, we now have a video sitting in our DVD cabinet that we can pull out for an art lesson that is much better than anything I could even attempt. We received a video of 4 lessons plus 1 bonus lesson from Art Class with master artist Pat Knepley. Pat has a very entertaining personality that is fun to watch. She does a great job making the material interesting AND educational, which is always a perk (or rather, a necessity) in our household. Amélie enjoyed watching the video for its educational purposes, but even Jack hung out in the living room just to watch her talk.

The lessons we received on this DVD were...
1.Tools of the Trade
2. It All Starts with a Line
3.Contours and Compositions
4.Draw What You See
There is also a bonus lesson entitled Chalk-It-Easy Chalk Art Lesson.

I thought that the information presented was well-done and easily accessible for elementary-school students. My only concern with this DVD is that the lessons are quite short, and I wish that there was a bit more detail and maybe even some art history included. Overall, though, I think that this is a great introduction to art for the budding artist in your home.

You can either purchase a year's worth of lessons on DVDs as a set for $99.99, or you can order an online subscription for $10.00 a month.

If you would like to receive a FREE copy of Art Class Volume 1, the same DVD we received, check it out here. You can also check out the first lessons for free here.

Take a peek at what my fellow crewmates are saying about Art Class.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

the books beside my bed

2011-04-10T22:34:00.001-05:00

I came up to bed to read or journal, but once I got up here I decided I wanted to blog. So, I trekked downstairs, lugged my laptop upstairs, and here I am, talking to my computer screen.

I thought I would first tell you about all the books that are beside my bed, because it's comical, really. In Jill's ideal world, the one that does not exist, she would read, read, read, read. And then she would read some more. Such a reality does not exist, but the lure of the library and the amazing books it contains is too strong, and therefore, a large pile of books sits beside this bed. Want to know what I am reading (or what I would like to read)?

This list, by the way is in no particular order. I am just going to write down what I dig up, in order of digging, not importance.

Love Wins by Rob Bell. I read this one last week. Lightning did not descend from heaven and fry me on the spot. Imagine that.

Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright. I have a sneaking suspicion this might be a life-changing book for me.

Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology by Eric Brende. I am supposed to be reading this book to Matt. But when he isn't looking I read ahead. Shhhh. Please don't tell him. I also don't want you to know how obsessed I am with this book. Reeeeeeeeeeeeally obsessed. I could write a whole blog post regarding my thoughts on this book, so maybe I should save it. Let me just say two things:
First, we went to the Eat Local Expo last weekend and found a CSA. There were many wonderful CSAs to choose from, but honestly, I went with the one we did because Amélie is obsessed with the Amish, and this family is "kind of Amish" (to quote the oldest daughter). They wear bonnets, don't have electricity, and drive buggies, so I'm thinking that they are about as Amish as we can get. Also, they have a 9-year-old daughter, and Amélie desperately wants an Amish pen pal, and I am finding that Amish penpals, in these days of technology, are hard to come by.
Anyway, the girl that we talked to had something in her eyes I haven't seen in a long, long time: absolute peace. She had the most beautiful eyes. I don't even know what color they were. I don't even know if they would be considered beautiful based on our standards of beauty. But Matt and I both noted the absolute peace we found in their depths as we were talking to her. Her eyes haunt me. I wake up sometimes in the night thinking about those eyes. I want eyes like that.
Second, last Saturday Matt tilled the compost into the ground and we planted lettuce, beets, broccoli, and peas (today he planted the tomato plants, and if it freezes sometime in the near future, I want it on the books that I said it was too early. This is an official "I told you so." If it doesn't freeze and the plants don't die, just pretend I didn't say anything here). As I dug the holes and planted the seeds and smelled the dirt, I felt something I rarely ever feel on an absolute level: peace. It was amazing. It was beautiful. I was so free.

New and Selected Poems: Volume One by Mary Oliver. I adore Mary Oliver. I discovered her poetry several years ago, and I can't quit reading her. She strikes a harmonic chord in my soul.

Late Wife by Claudia Emerson. This is a small collection of poetry that is full of beautiful words, beautiful sentences, beautiful turns of phrases.

The Echo Maker by Richard Powers. I wanted to love this book, and I like it, but I wouldn't have given it the National Book Award.

Falling Man by Don DeLillo. I think that DeLillo is a master at writing amazing sentences that I have to stop and read again. and again. and again. I love that about him.

Organic God: Lenten Meditations on the Words of Jesus by Kate Moorehead. This is my 4th year going through this lovely book of Lenten meditations. I am thankful for the wisdom I find in this book as I journey through Lent.

Stress Less by an author whose first name I can't read because the library barcode is over his or her name. The last name, however, is Singer, and I know for a fact that I won't read this book, but I will keep it by my bed until it is due just because I have this insane idea that I could read a book and be cured of anxiety and stress. This is a crazy idea that I don't believe, apparently, since I already know I won't read the book.

I think there are actually some more books by my bed, but I'm thinking I probably lost you four or five books ago, so I will stop there. And now I don't have time to write anything else, because I truly must go to bed....
...after I read until I can no longer keep my eyes open, of course.

TOS Review--Kinderbach

2011-04-06T21:46:00.000-05:00

I have been considering putting Amélie in piano lessons for quite some time, and when I found out that I would be reviewing an online piano program called Kinderbach, I thought this would be a good opportunity to test her readiness and interest in taking piano. According to their website, “Research clearly shows Piano is the best instrument with the most benefits to brain development. KinderBach is a unique method of teaching very young children to actually play piano, read notes, and learn intervals, rhythm & music patterns."

Kinderbach offers piano lessons for children ages 3-7 either online or on DVDs. These music lessons are interspersed with teaching time, fun characters, and practice time in a way that is multi-sensory and entertaining. If you choose the on-line option, you will have access to over 240 music lessons and can either pay $19.99 a month or $99.95 for an annual fee, or you can also get a daypass for $5.95. Your child can watch the video lessons online, and then you can download PDF files of worksheets and coloring pages that enhance the video lessons. You can also purchase the lessons as DVDs. Check out this link to look at the DVD options.

We have had access to the online version of Kinderbach for several months now. As I mentioned previously, I wanted to try out the program to test Amélie's interest in piano, but I found that the program really does seem to be aimed a the younger set (she is right at the top of the age range), and Jack ended up enjoying the program more than she did. Of course he, as a three-year-old, is on the young end of the age range, so while he greatly enjoyed the program, I am not sure how much he actually learned. I wish he had been a bit older...or that Amélie had been a bit younger...and then I think that we could have experienced the full benefits of this program.

Personally, I think that there is no substitute for the one-on-one experience of actual piano lessons. However, if you want to try a cheaper option than piano lessons, or you want to try out piano to see if your kids are interested, I think that Kinderbach is a great option. It's a smart, well-designed, fun program that will introduce your kids to the piano in an entertaining and educational way. If you want to try it out to see if Kinderbach would be a good fit for your family, you can try their free on-line trial.

If you would like to read what my fellow crewmates are saying about Kinderbach, check them out here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free subscription of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

TOS Review--Big IQ Kids

2011-03-25T20:23:00.001-05:00

I have written and then erased several introductions to Big IQ Kids, and then I decided that, perhaps, the people who do the program might describe it best. :) Here is what the Big IQ Kids website has to say about their fun online program:

BigIQkids.com turns your computer into an online learning academy by providing daily academic lessons for young learners in an interactive, easy to follow format. For the best results, children should log into BigIQkids.com daily and complete their lessons and quizzes. This “daily” strategy builds invaluable study habits, leads to better grades and greater self confidence.

Big IQ Kids has several subjects for your kids, including spelling, vocabulary, math, and U.S. Geography. We especially enjoyed the spelling section. They have preprogrammed words that you can use, but I used Amélie's current spelling words, and she absolutely loved learning her words this way. Honestly, I have LOVED this program for spelling. My daughter is under the perfectionistic notion that she should have her spelling words learned perfectly after the first day (I have NO IDEA where she gets that perfectionistic tendency. Absolutely no idea. HA!). To have our spelling words deflected onto a computer program has been a relief for both of us. For some reason she is less likely to argue with my laptop than she is with me. :)

We also liked the math program for working on concepts that we are learning. The only problem is that we are working on two-digit addition and subtraction, and she never wanted to write the problem onto paper, so then she would get frustrated when she couldn't do it in her head. I want her to process through the steps of these problems, so it didn't work so well. However, she did enjoy using the math program for practicing her math facts.

We haven't spent as much time with the voabulary or the U.S. Geography portion of the program, because she seems to spend her allotted game time on spelling and math, so I'm OK with that.

One of the great perks of this program is that after completing each lesson the students gets a "coin" to play a game. Amélie definitely like this reward program, and she will do even more spelling or math than I ask her to do so that she can play another game. Works for me!!

I definitely liked this program a lot, and so does Amélie. I think that the program is great for practicing subjects that kids are learning in school. If your kids are in regular school, this program would be a fun yet educational after-school activity. If your kids are homeschoolers, this program would almost certainly provide a rich supplement to your curriculum.

There are several pricing options available. You can try out the program for free, and if you would like to discover the differences between the free and the premium programs you can do so here. You can purchase a monthly subscription to one premium program or all of the premium programs. You can even purchase a 12-month subscription and save a little money!

If you would like to read what my fellow crewmates are saying about Big IQ Kids, check them out here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free premium subscription of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

my current musical obsession

2011-03-23T09:12:00.000-05:00

"Roll Away Your Stone"
Mumford & Sons
Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we can find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside

'Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think
And yet it dominates the things I see

It seems that all my bridges have been burnt
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think
And yet it dominates the things I see

Stars hide your fires
These here are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found
With my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly empassioned soul

But you, you’ve gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

The Facebook Fast

2011-03-16T21:44:00.002-05:00

I have been off of Facebook for a week now. I did spend a bit of time on Facebook on Sunday (which is totally legal, for those unfamiliar with the rules of Lent), and this morning I cheated a tiny, tiny bit. I read two posts, and then I quit. I am calling it OK to post links to blog entries, and I also got on Facebook on Saturday to post a "welcome baby" status message for the homebirth I had just doula-ed for (which was just so wonderful that I HAD to tell the world). So I haven't followed my "no Facebook rule" exactly, but I also decided I wasn't going to be all legalistic about it. I think I will choose to err on the side of grace. :)

My Facebook Fast has been going OK, except that today I actually "craved" Facebook. I wasn't exactly sitting in a corner rocking back and forth and gnawing on my fingers, but I was close. Have there been any studies done comparing withdrawal symptoms in crack addicts and Facebook addicts? As a coping stragety, I just spent a very long time checking out the St. Patrick's Day parade route and the location of my church (where I will park tomorrow) on Google maps. I think I was being so studious because what I REALLY wanted to do was get on Facebook. So far, so good. Now I am writing here. More coping.

I have definitely been learning some things about myself this past week, but I'm not ready to share them yet. Honestly, it's not because they are terribly deep thoughts, but I really want to talk about the shallow stuff tonight. So here goes:

The funniest thing I have noticed about myself on the Facebook Fast is that sometimes I think in status messages. I don't know if I normally do this, but I think I might. I would only post once a day at most, but I would (and still do) think about witty little things to say over Facebook much more than that. What a pitiful thing to admit!!! I have wanted to tell my Facebook friends so many things, many of which were most likely quite inane.

Let's see--(I wish I would have kept a running list of all my phantom Facebook status messages.)--on Friday night I wanted to tell you that Matt and I had an evening to ourselves and we were spending half of it CLEANING. Yes, cleaning. That's the sad part. The great part is that I kept hopping out of the kitchen and he kept escaping the bathroom so we could tell each other something very, very important. We were, perhaps, being a bit avoidant, but we were also enjoying the rare luxury of uninterrupted conversation, and we tend to like each other's company quite a lot, so even in the midst of cleaning together we were enjoying our time.

At about 9:30 that same night I wanted to post a status message that we had spontaneously decided to go find a music store and look for a couple of CDs, because I suddenly decided that I needed to spend birthday money on Mumford & Sons and The Avett Brothers. The amazing thing about that would-have-been status message is that we had no kids at home, so we could just decide to leave! It was amazing! I thought that anyone hanging out on FB on Friday night might have wanted to know that little detail.

At 3:45 on Saturday morning I wanted to post that I was headed to a birth, although I wouldn't have done that anyway since I wanted my client to be the first to share the news.
I did share about the baby's birth, because, as I mentioned above, such an event was totally worth a bit of a Lenten cheat.

On Saturday night I wanted to tell you that there was a placenta being encapsulated in my kitchen.

And then on Sunday, when I could have posted a status message, I had nothing to say!

This week I wanted to share that my kids had snotty noses and coughs.
I wanted to announce that I was going to Science City today.
I wanted to complain that Amélie had tummy issues tonight which kept us away from Wednesday Blend.
I wanted to state my intent to brave the crazy crowds tomorrow and go to the parade.
But do you really care to know any of that?

Here's what I have realized, however. I do miss knowing what is going on in people's lives. I feel out of the loop. I like to feel connected to people. And perhaps the sad thing is that I feel more connected to you if I can "like" the fact that your kid just pooped on the potty or that you got a new puppy or that you just did your first cartwheel in 20 years. I might even do more than "like" your status, and I might actually comment on the poop or the puppy or the cartwheel!

Don't get me wrong. I like to "like" people's statuses, and I like to comment on people's statuses, and I really, really, really like it if you "like" my status or leave me a comment. But if I am constantly thinking in status messages and "liking" and commenting, then I have a hard time thinking thoughts that are longer and deeper than 420 characters, and I may not remember to follow up on the sometimes heartbreaking things people post that I skim past in my obsessive reading.
Will I go back to Facebook after Lent is over? Absolutely.
But I do hope that I am not as addicted.
Is that possible?

And would someone please hack into my Facebook account and post that Matt just dyed our puppy green?

Lent: this Bright Sadness

2011-03-09T22:04:00.003-06:00

Before I reflect on the beginning of this year's Lenten season, I am going to copy and paste what I wrote last year the day after Ash Wednesday:

Let me say, first, that I am incredibly disappointed in how my Lent began. Last night I had to miss the Ash Wednesday service at Revolution because I had been at a birth since 1:30 in the morning and I was driving back home from the hospital during the service.

I had this idea in my head that Lent was going to be different this year because I was going to start it with the sacredness, the ritual, and the solemnity of an Ash Wednesday service. As I walked out of the service with the ashen cross swathed upon my forehead, I was going to walk through the portals of the sad beauty of Lent and into 40 days of quiet reflection and simplicity, and, perhaps, a bit of poetic melancholy.

Instead, at 7:00 last night, I was driving home, and I was exhausted, I was disheveled, I was hungry. I had witnessed a miracle that evening, for sure, and I don’t want to trivialize that. I had seen the wonder and beauty and sacredness of birth somehow unfolding under the artificial glare of a birth room spotlight. My experience at that birth was valuable and useful and beautiful and sacred, and if I had actually had the choice of attending the birth or attending the Ash Wednesday service I would have chosen the birth.

But I think that I had hoped for Ash Wednesday to be a magic pill that I would have had brushed across my forehead rather than swallowed.

But the thing is…while I wish I could have attended the service, it would not have been a magic pill. Perhaps I would have walked out of the service last night feeling peaceful and solemn, but this morning I would have woken up to my real life–the noisy, disorganized, crazy one. And then I would have felt disappointed that the magic feeling had faded away. And then I could have felt disillusioned. And then I might have given up.

Instead, my Lent beginning has been more fitting: it has begun in chaos rather than quietness. The quietness and the sacredness and the reflection of Lent are going to have to come with work. I have to carve it out of my day and into my heart. There is no Ash Thursday service to escape to tonight. It’s just my life, and the beautiful mess of it.

And so today, my Lenten season roots itself in a life that is blown about in the winds of chaos and battered by some uncertain storms. My hope and my prayer is that the holiness of this Lenten season plants itself in my heart and that it grows, and that I grow, and that, perhaps by Easter, something sacred within me will have bloomed.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen

I copy and paste those sentences from last year because apparently...I am not the most avid learner.

Tonight is Ash Wednesday. I am, yet again, on call for a birth, and I thought that perhaps I would miss this service again. Honestly, this time I was more at peace with that idea than I was last year, because I am incredibly excited to be part of the truly sacred experience of a homebirth with a wonderful person and friend. But I didn't get the call, so I left the clutter, picked Matt up from work, and we all sped over to church....where, I was convinced, I would sit in my pew, hold Matt's hand, breathe deeply, sing beautiful old hymns, listen to a moving sermon, walk forward for my forehead to be swathed in ashes, and then I would quietly leave, with my soul at peace, my heart and rest, and my mind resolved to journey down the beautifully melancholy path of Lent armed with my fasting, my faith, and my God. Then, I would go home, and, in honor of this holy season, my floor would magically be removed of Spiderman toys, scattered books, and stray socks. It might somehow smell like incense too, just to really set the mood. And I would turn on my computer and not be tempted by Facebook and blogs, from which I am fasting this Lenten season. Also, I would not repeat the failures of the past years. I wouldn't ever skip a day of Organic God: Lenten Meditations on the Words of Jesus. I would get up early to spend time with God. I would be spending all of that extra Facebook time praying or reading the Bible or feeding the starving children in my city. I would walk through my home radiating peace and joy and hope.

But...did you read the above post from last year?
That's not the way it works.
This year, I swallowed that "magic pill" of an Ash Wednesday service.
And I choked.
Here's what did happen. I did, in fact, sit in my pew. I did, every once in awhile, catch hold of Matt's hand, but he was so busy hopping up and down checking on Jack (and bless him for that--he knew how much this service meant to me, and he was trying to shield me from a distracting 3-year-old so I could experience at least some distant relative of peace). I actually did love harmonizing to the beautiful, old hymns, when I wasn't peeking over my shoulder checking on Jack, who was totally clueless as to the day's holy bent. I did hear most of Eric's sermon, but again, I was so distracted by that little boy of mine that I just couldn't sink into the words and let them challenge and encourage me. I did walk forward to have my forehead swathed in ashes, but I had Jack perched on one hip, and he was heavy, and somehow the experience just didn't seem quite as holy while lugging 30-lbs of wiggling weight. And I did leave, but not exactly quietly, because Jack was balking, and I couldn't find Matt and Amélie, and by the time I got to the car (actually, that's not true--I felt it coming on during the sermon), I really just wanted to bang my ashen forehead against my car dashboard and cry a very unholy, unwieldy, awkward, and completely unpeaceful cry.

And now here I am, yet again, beginning Lent with the harsh reminder that Lent is lived within the mess and muck and chaos. How I long to carry out the beauty of Lent poetically. That's what my soul longs for. But then.... But then.... But then I am worshipping the poetry of Lent rather than the God of Lent. And if I can journey through this Bright Sadness with a little grace, if I can find a little more light in the shadows of my soul's chiaroscuro, and if I can carve out for myself a bit more peace, I do believe that I will find some poetry in this beautiful mess, this chiaroscuro of my soul, this bright sadness. And then I will be ready, I hope--oh, how I hope--to embrace the joy and the awakening and the new life of Easter.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen

Peace.

Reading Kingdom--TOS Review

2011-03-07T22:26:00.000-06:00

If you know me even a tiny bit, you know that I love reading, so I was excited to be able to review a reading program for the TOS crew! Reading Kingdom is a program designed to teach 4-10 year-olds how to read and write at a 3rd grade level. Here are some of the advantages of the Reading Kingdom program, according to its website:

It customizes itself to each child
Most children can do the program on their own after just a few weeks
It's fun and children enjoy doing it
It's created by Dr. Marion Blank, one of the world's top experts in literacy
It works with any other curriculum a child may be using
And, it's the only system that teaches all 6 skills needed for reading & writing success!

Kids are first run through a skills survey that helps to place them in the correct level. If kids are not yet able to maneuver quickly around a keyboard, they complete a series of lessons helping them become more comfortable using a mouse and a keyboard. Amélie is quite comfortable with finding letters on the keyboard (in fact, I was surprised at how well she did!), so I skipped this portion with her and then moved on into the skills survey. She placed in Level 2, which honestly surprised me, because she is a very good reader. However, I will admit I wondered if she would be placed lower than her ability level when she was doing the skills survey, because sometimes she made errors when she did not quite understand what she was supposed to do, or she accidentally tapped the wrong key. (And I do realize that I am sounding here like a parent who thinks her daughter is smarter than she actually is, but I'm genuinely sincere--and genuinely correct--in believing that she was placed at a lower level than she should have been.) :) I wish that what she was doing in Level 2 was more of a challenge for her, but she enjoys the days that I let her use this program to supplement our reading program, and I think that the review is great practice for her.

I am honestly the most excited about using this program with my 3 1/2 year-old son, who, while certainly still a pre-reader, knows most of his letter sounds (he knows more letter sounds than he does letter names, which I think is funny), and is starting to understand that the text on a page contains words that make up a story. He is a tiny bit young for this program as of yet, I think. When he uses Reading Kingdom right now he is just working on knowing where the letters are on the keyboard. He got a little tired of this, so I am letting him take a bit of a break, and then we will dive back in. I have access to this program until next February, and I am fairly convinced, based on what I have seen Amélie do, that he will have fun using this program...and it will help him learn how to read while he thinks he is just having fun. :)

Subscriptions to Reading Kingdom are $19.99/month with no monthly minimum, or $199.99 if you purchase a 12 month subscription. If you have multiple children using the program, the cost per each additional child in your family is $9.99/month. If you think you might like to try this program, but you just aren't quite sure you wan to make the commitment, you can try out Reading Kingdom completely risk-free for one month--you don't even have to give your credit card number! :) If you have any questions about the program, I am convinced, based on my experience in corresponding with this company, that you will also receive excellent customer service. You can't lose! And I think you will do more than not lose--I think that your kids could easily become yet another Reading Kingdom success story.

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are saying about this product, you can check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

2011-02-23T18:44:00.001-06:00

I know that I have life
only insofar as I have love.
I have no love
except it come from Thee.
Help me, please, to carry
this candle against the wind.
~Wendell Berry, Sabbaths, 2005

Help me, please, to carry
this candle against the wind.

What a beautiful image.
What a painfully beautiful image.
What an image of grief, of fortitude, of determination, of grit.
What an image of faith.

Tonight, as I write, I see myself in this image.

I have been asking God to make the wind go away.
My prayer has been
Help me, please,
and take away this wind.

I fight the wind so many ways.
Sometimes, I hunker down behind a rock and try to avoid the wind. But somehow, the wind always shifts. It always finds me in my hiding place.
Sometimes, I angrily strike out into the wind, fighting against it, floundering around blindly in its merciless tempest.
Sometimes, I give up and give in to the wind. I let the gales sweep over me and toss me about, bruising me, slicing me, blinding me.

No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, the wind is still there.
And I am so tired.
I'm tired of the hiding, of the anger, of the giving up.

And so tonight I stand here, at this fork in the road, with the wind whipping my spirit and beating mercilessly at my soul.

I have life.
I have love.
I have a candle.

Help me, please, to carry
this candle against the wind.

Kid Scoop--TOS Review

2011-02-18T17:44:00.000-06:00

Do you have a kiddo who is not-too-thrilled about "reading time" every day?
Do you wish you had a little "extra something" to supplement your reading program that just might get your reluctant reader excited about reading?
If so, then Kid Scoop's Reluctant Reader Solution might be just what you need to help your grumpy reader turn into a grinning one.

Thankfully, I don't have a reluctant reader. However, I do have a little girl who craves variety, so this program was a fun supplement for us to try. According to their website, The Kid Scoop Reluctant Reader Solution is a program "designed to expand your child's horizons, jump-start their curiosity about topics they didn't even know they were interested in, and exercise different areas of their brain through age-appropriate puzzles, games, stories, and much more. The Reluctant Reader Solution comes in two parts: one online and the other offline."

The online portion includes games, puzzles, reading material, and links that generate interest in the topics presented, which are often related to the current season and holidays. Here is an example of Kid Scoop online:

Personally, we were more impressed with the worksheets from Kid Scoop. These worksheets are designed as a fun 5-7 page "newspaper" on topics ranging from fitness to gorillas to budgeting to Louisa May Alcott to Memorial Day to…I think you get the picture. You can either go through the newspapers chronologically or by theme. We have done both. On Monday, for example, we read the “Valentine Fitness” newspaper. Amelie read about how to keep her heart healthy, enjoyed a word search, and we played an activity game that got our healthy hearts pumping.

When you purchase Kid Scoop, you get 365 of these fantastic worksheets. I am especially looking forward to using these newspapers over the summer when we are taking a break from school but still need a fun boost to keep her brain from going stagnant in the heat. :)

At first, I was a little put off by the $97 price tag. But once I dove into this program and realized the wealth of information, games, and projects that were right at my fingertips (i.e., I wouldn’t have to spend hours scouring the internet, as I am apt to do), I realized that $97 is a steal. Plus, you can try this product completely risk-free, as it comes with a 365 unconditional, money-back guarantee. I am pretty sure that they can offer such a guarantee because once you make the purchase, I am almost convinced you will be hooked.

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are saying about this product, you can check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

The Music in Me

2011-02-13T15:24:00.000-06:00

Lately, I have given into music. Sometimes I have to take a break from music for awhile, because I can get so incredibly sucked into it that I am incapable of functioning beyond listening to the same song or the same group over and over and over.
And over and over and over.
And over and over and over.
This drives Matt crazy sometimes, although he tries to be a good sport about it.
The kids don't seem to mind.
Thankfully.
So, lately, I've let music consume me. It started out with the innocent purchase of Ingrid Michaelson's album Everybody. I had heard the song "Everybody" on Pandora's folk station, and I liked it. Then I listened to more of her songs. And I got hooked. Like............really hooked. I spent at least a month absolutely obsessed with this album, and, specifically, the song "The Chain." I don't know what it is about this song, but I can't stop listening to it. It's the lyrics. It's the voice. It's the piano. It's the harmony. I'm a girl obsessed.

Then, a little over a week ago, I got the new album by The Civil Wars in the mail. I had a feeling I would again fall in love. And again, I was right. How could I not?
These two like Faulkner.
They read O'Connor.
She plays the piano.
He plays the guitar.
Their harmony does something inside of me that I just can't explain. My favorites on this album change by the day, but I have fallen especially hard for the song "Poison and Wine." Again, it's the lyrics. It's the voices. It's the piano and guitar. It's the harmony.

Then there was that phase of listening to every recorded version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah."

A few months ago I discovered the group Gungor. During that phase, I listened to "Beautiful Things" over and over and over again.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, a good friend posted Gungor singing "The Earth Is Yours" in the forest. I like it when people play and sing in the forest, especially when they are incredible musicians.

And, although I've already posted this video, February isn't February without me literally drowning in Dar Williams.

I've had lots of Dar Williams obsessive moments. I've been obsessed with "If I Wrote You," "The One Who Knows," "Iowa," "When I Was a Boy," "After All," and "Empire." I'm sure there are more.

So do you get obsessed with music? Whom do you love? Whom can you just not stop listening to? What is it about music that fills us with longing and love and ache and joy?

I don't understand it, but if you drive by my house and hear me harmonizing or see me dancing in my living room, you'll know that yet again I have given into the...whatever it is...about music that nourishes some intense craving in my soul.

The Curiosity Files: Zombie Fire Ants--TOS Review

2011-02-11T19:28:00.001-06:00

We are in a bit of a homeschool transition in our house, which you know if you have been following my blog. :) Part of my frustration with our curriculum, which I still do love, is that there is little wiggle room for jumping off the schedule for a bit and exploring something new and different. I don't know about you--but at this time of year, as we are buried under snow, bundled up in layers, and begging Spring to add a little green to the bleak landscape--I NEED to mix things up a bit.

Enter The Curiosity Files: Zombie Fire Ants.

This was such a fun unit study! Our Zombie Fire Ants study is part of a larger group of unit studies for children ages 8-13 called The Curiosity Files, which are explorations with Professor Ana Lyze (ha ha. so clever.). There are nine different study options in this group. In addition to learning about zombie fire ants, students can also learn about blue diamonds, dung beetles, MRSA, puffer fish, red tide, the blue-footed booby, the cicada killing wasp, and quicksand.

We chose the to review the Zombie Fire Ant unit because Amélie's nana grew up in Georgia, and we have heard her stories of being bitten by fire ants. We thought we could learn maybe learn some things about fire ants that might teach nana a thing or two, and we were right. :) Amélie had a lot of fun calling her and telling about these amazing, yet disturbing, creatures.

As the website indicates, this Zombie Fire Ant study included the following components:

•Bible study, discussion ideas, and memory verses

•Math, history, and geography investigations
•Literature and suggested book list
•Writing, spelling, and vocabulary activities
•Beautiful copywork pages (manuscript and cursive)
•Science observations, projects, and experiments
•Discussion questions
•Art, crafts, and drawing and coloring pages
•Lapbook/notebook pages and helpful lapbooking links
•Special needs, hands-on discoveries
•Internet resource and video links
•Complete answer key

We especially enjoyed learning about the zombie fire ants from the introductory "Everything You Never Wanted to Know about Zombie Fire Ants" section, and then, using the links provided, we learned about even MORE zombie creatures, which was just ...incredible (and incredibly disgusting!!!). We had fun with art projects, tasty treats (especially a very "hands-on" snack called Ants in the Sand!), math problems, and music. We truly loved this unit study, and I think we might just have to sample more of Professor Ana Lyze and her Curiosity Files.

There are several purchasing options for you if you are interested in trying out these unit studies. If you are interested in all of explorations with Professor Ana Lyze, you can buy a 9-Pack CD-Rom bundle for $49.00 or the 9-pack of e-books for $46.00. You can also purchase each unit study individually. If you would like to take a sneak peek before you buy, you can check out this link for a free sample of each unit!

I would highly recommend this product for a fun and educational unit study. I promise your kids won't get "antsy" while they are learning. :)

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are saying about this product, you can check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

february...

2011-02-10T09:11:00.004-06:00

"And February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking a path alone together.
You stopped and pointed, and you said, 'That's a crocus.'
And I said, 'What's a crocus?'
And you said, 'It's a flower.'
I tried to remember, but I said, 'What's a flower?'
You said, 'I still love you.'"
~Dar Williams

just random

2011-02-07T22:27:00.001-06:00

I have felt like I can't write another blog post until I respond to everyone's comments on my last post, which were kind and lovely and ever-so-helpful. I never responded to everyone, of course, so then I never wrote a blog post.
I'm going to get to that..........soon.
So, if you commented on my blog or my desperate facebook status message, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You saved my sanity and propelled me on a path that is going to work for us, I think.
Insert HUGE sigh of relief here:
sigh....

So what's new?
I think of things to blog about all of the time, but now that I sit here, at 10:03 p.m., tired and absolutely brain-dead, I have nothing to say. So...I'll ramble.

Tonight as we were getting the kids ready for bed Jack asked me, "Mama, are your eyes tired?"
Wow.
Is that kid really 3 1/2? I think he is a bit of an old soul.
...and also a lovable but absolutely maddening 3-year-old who tries every.single.ounce.of.my.sanity.
and then some...

Today while the dogs were outside Leia ran under Molly.
While she was pooping.
And it was kinda runny, if you must know.
And it was all over Leia.
And it was naptime for Jack.
But I had to give Leia a bath.
I was not happy. Oh, I was NOT HAPPY.
But Leia got clean.
And then I tried to get Jack to settle down for 50 minutes.
And then I walked downstairs thinking he was settled and asleep.
And 1 minute later he was up.
Yet again, I was not happy.

Late this afternoon we had a playdate, though, which was nice. Last week we met some new neighbors. I wish they had a daughter Amélie's age, but they do have a son close to Jack's age and a younger daughter. As we were talking, she asked me if I had a job. I told her I was a birth doula. Her eyes grew wide. She looked, as Amélie keeps telling me, "astonished." She told me she was looking for a doula! How cool is that? So today they came over and we talked about kids and backyard chickens and Star Wars and church and birth. It was lovely! She is definitely the type of neighbor I could call some morning if I were out of coffee, and I could show up at her house in my robe and tousled hair, and she would hand me some coffee and not think less of me for noting my smudged mascara and knowing that I hadn't washed my face the night before. It is good, ever so good, to have people like this in one's life, especially as neighbors.

This morning I had an appointment with Dr. Jill, my acupuncturist. After our session was over and I was pulling on my socks and stuffing my feet into my boots, she asked me if I had a lot on my mind. Well, yes, actually I did.
But how did she know that?
I really don't know. She kind of explained it to me, but I think I was so stunned that I didn't follow what she said very well.
Somehow, though, she knew I had a lot on my mind, because she somehow knew she needed to stick three needles in my head rather than the usual one.
How does she do that?
It's magic.

Amélie and I went to a slumber party on Friday night! I can't remember the last time I went to a slumber party. Amélie's friend was having her 8th birthday party, and I just happen to adore Lindsey, the mama of that 8-year-old, and so I was invited to spend the night, too. It was so wonderful! When I spend time with Lindsey, my soul breathes a sigh of relief. I am thankful for her. She, too, is the type of friend who would not judge me for not washing my face at night and for not being prepared and running out of coffee, but she, alas, lives too far South these days. Sadness. Such sadness. I am happy for them and their lovely home but selfishly sad for me.

On Saturday night we went to a ROLLER DERBY! It was so incredibly fun! I had no idea how fun a roller derby could be! It's this whole other culture, and people get so into it, but I can see why. We had fun! (OK, we sort of had fun. Jack was a bit of a mess. Per usual.)

Have I rambled enough?
I'm tired. I have tired eyes, remember? My little boy says so.
Good night.

homeschool ramblings

2011-01-21T21:08:00.002-06:00

This post is intended for my homeschool friends. If you don't homeschool, feel free to read my ramblings, too, although your head might be spinning by the end of the post (or, perhaps, before you reach the end!).

I have been composing emails in my head for the past few days to several of my homeschool friends, but I thought I would just publish a blogpost instead and hope for some feedback.

Here's the scoop:
I'm kind overwhelmed at the moment.
I know. I know. Coming from me, Ms. Stress-Management Personified, that must come as a HUGE SHOCK.
Or not.
:)
If you don't know, we are doing almost all Sonlight Curriculum this year. On many levels, I love Sonlight. I truly love the fact that it is literature-based and that we have read some absolutely amazing books together this year. Amélie loves both the books she reads to me and the books that I read to her. Her reading ability has skyrocketed, her love of learning has increased exponentially, and she likes school.
So what is my problem?
Well, part of my problem is that Sonlight is incredibly time-consuming. It's not that I am not willing to commit to spending time on homeschooling Amélie. It's a full-time job, and I'm glad (usually) to do it. Part of my problem is that, with the exception of two mornings a week when Jack is in preschool, I have a three-year-old to contend with. He is too young to enjoy most of the books we are reading, and I know he must get jealous of all of the one-on-one time I spend with Amélie that I then don't have time to spend with him (GUILT! GUILT! GUILT!).
Another problem I have with Sonlight is that we spend so much time reading that we don't get to do activities with the reading. While studying ancient Egyptian history, I would like to hike on over to the Nelson and check out their fantastic Ancient Egyptian gallery. While reading The House on Walenska Street, I would like to take a break from where we are in history and geography entirely and spend some time studying what life for Jewish families in Russia was like 100-years ago. Next week is Kansas Day, and if I do something for Kansas Day (which I intend to do), then I mess up where we are in the schedule.
I think I have a problem with the rigidity of the schedule, and while I know it is a suggested schedule, I am such a "rule-follower" that I feel like I have to do it all and do it well. Meanwhile, we miss out on doing some fun and educational stuff that I feel is important to Amélie's education and to my sanity.
We are also reviewing homeschooling products this year, and trying to squeeze the trying-out part into our schedule has been incredibly stressful.
So what do I do?
At this point I am not ready (I don't think) to scrap Sonlight, partly because I invested a lot of time and money into this program and partly because I do believe it is an excellent program.
So what do I do?
(Did I say that already?)

Here is the type of homeschooling program I am interested in (to either find or figure out myself):
I still think I am interested in a literature-based program, because I definitely see how much more Amélie soaks up when what we are learning is lit-based. Maybe I want a more unit-based lit program? For example, as I noted above, while reading The House on Walenska Street I would like to learn about life in Russia 100 years ago. When it's the Chinese New Year I want to celebrate with history and crafts and food. I would like to feed Amélie's passion to feed the world and save the planet. I know, for a fact, that I can do this while homeschooling.
But how?
I just get so overwhelmed so fast, and while I do have some time I can spend planning (and, I will confess, it's the planning and researching part that I sometimes love the most), I hardly feel like I have the time or the ability to create my own curriculum (please correct me if I'm wrong).
Lastly, I have some questions about some specific homeschool programs/products/philosophies, so I'm going to list them here, and if you have any thoughts please let me know. Here they are:
Shurley English
Excellence in Writing
Monarch or SOS
Tapestry of Grace
Unit Studies
Classical Education
Charlotte Mason
I am at a complete loss as to the other things I was wondering about--proof of my overwhelmed brain. :)
I would love to know what you have tried...what worked for you...what didn't...etc.
Oh, and while you're at it, if you feel like sharing your schedule and your thoughts on homeschooling more year-round that would also be fantastic.
Thanks ever, ever, ever so much!

Speekee--TOS Review

2011-01-21T20:14:00.000-06:00

As a member of the TOS Homeschool Review Crew, we were given a free two-month trial of Speekee, which is, according to their website, "the world's number 1 Spanish choice for young children."

The program, designed for children ages 2 - 10, consists of ten online episodes that are 15-20 minutes long apiece. Each episode features catchy songs, puppets, Spanish children in Spanish locations, and downloadable worksheets. The program is done entirely in Spanish, although you can turn on English and Spanish subtitles. We turned on the subtitles when Amélie was watching the episodes, and she liked being able to read what was being said or sung in Spanish.

The program costs $7.50 per month, although the first two weeks are free, allowing you to try out the program risk-free. You can also buy a DVD Box Set of the series, if you would rather. The set includes the ten episodes available in the online version, as well as a DVD and CD of the songs and a parent guide with activity ideas and a Spanish/English dictionary. If you choose to order the DVD Box Set and live in the US, make sure you read the note about DVD player requirements.

Schools can also use this program with their students, and if they would like to try it out they can receive a free 30-day trial.

I think this is a good program to introduce children to Spanish. The songs are catchy, which helps kids learn the Spanish words and phrases more quickly, and the episodes are presented in a fun, engaging way. Jack, my 3-year-old, especially enjoyed bopping along to the fun songs. I am not sure how much Spanish he actually picked up on or understood, but I think that his brain has been primed for more Spanish-learning, at least. :) My 7-year-old, however, wasn't terribly impressed with the program. She liked watching the first episode, but after that she lost interest and would drift off to do other things when I was playing the program for Jack. I must say, though, that she wants to learn French, so she steers herself away from any attempt for me to introduce her to another language! :)

Based on our experience, I would recommend this program for young children, although if you have any interest at all in teaching your kids Spanish, you can try out the program risk-free, so you have nothing to lose!

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are saying about this product, you can check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free two-month trial of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

Peter and the Wolf--TOS Review

2011-01-19T20:01:00.000-06:00

I am pretty sure that my eyes lit up when I opened the Maestro Classics CD of Peter and the Wolf. I love classical music, and I want to introduce it to my kids in a fun way. I was hoping that this CD would do the trick. I was certainly not disappointed! I LOVE (love, love, love, love, love) this CD.

The Maestro Classics website explains their products as an "award-winning new classical music CD series for children and families [that] combines classic stories with great symphony orchestra music. Combining literature, classical music, education and entertainment, these CDs for parents and children are perfect for ALL kids and interested parents."

The parents AND the kids in our household loved this recording. The CD is so much more than merely a recording of the musical piece. It includes an introduction to the song, which explains all of the characters in Peter and the Wolf and their corresponding instrument (for example, the bird is represented by the flute, the grandfather as the bassoon, etc). You can also listen to the full musical piece with incredibly well-done narration (the narrator manages to tell the story without intruding on the musicality of the piece), and later in the CD you can listen to the piece without narration. The kids and I had a lot of fun retelling the story as we listened to the music. I really enjoyed the track that talked about the life of the composer, Sergei Prokofiev, and we all enjoyed the Russian folk music that was also included. The CD booklet itself is its own mini-textbook, which includes background on the composer, a game to match up the instruments with the character they represent, a crossword puzzle, and information on Russian folk music.

You can buy this amazing CD for $16.98, and Maestro Classics is also offering a great deal of three recordings for $45.00. I would highly recommend at least the purchase of this CD. You can also try out some of their other recordings, which include The Tortoise and the Hare, The Story of Swan Lake, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, and more. Check out the website to see all of the titles that are offered. My Name is Handel and The Soldier's Tale (Stravinsky) are coming soon.

I absolutely love this CD, and if you want to introduce your kids to classical music in a fun, engaging, educational way, then this product is for you!

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are saying about this product, you can check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

doing the best i can

2011-01-15T23:58:00.000-06:00

I made some New Years resolutions. I'm generally failing.

sigh.

I resolved to get up early and write, and then to write a bit more after the kids go to bed.
I did this for exactly three days, and I was so tired and cranky that I quit. Would I get used to lack of sleep if I had to?

I resolved to get up early and exercise.
I walked with Jillian for four days two weeks ago, but then this week was so freakin' cold that we didn't walk. I resolved that I would get up and exercise anyway. But I didn't. My excuse is that I didn't want to wake the puppy. Um...........yeah. I really do well with accountability, and when my friend wasn't waiting for me at the literal crack of dawn, I couldn't pull it off. This frustrates me. I want to be more self-motivated.

This is really off-topic, but I do really, really well if I have a syllabus. When I was in school, I vacillated between being totally overwhelmed and totally fascinated with my syllabi. I studied my syllabi. I loved copying due dates into my planner. I would feel freaked out and overwhelmed yet somehow also in control.

I need syllabi for my life, I think.
A syllabus for cleaning my house.
A syllabus for homeschool. (I have this, I guess, and it is controlling my life in a not-so-positive way.)
A syllabus for writing.
A syllabus for exercising.
A syllabus for sex. (well, it's true!)
A syllabus for fun. (kinda sad. i know. i know. i know.)

ANYWAY, I am actually succeeding in one resolution. I have been reading for pleasure. I cannot abandon reading for learning entirely, because my brain craves it and thrives on it, but I also crave reading for pleasure. I get so incredibly overwhelmed with the NUMBER OF AMAZING BOOKS IN THE UNIVERSE. There are many of them. How will I get to them all? Where do I start? Well, I won't get to them all, but I decided to start with Pulitzer Prize winners, so that is what I am doing (except that I have had a lovely email exchange with a friend over some other books that have now sneaked onto the list, which IS OK, because (please remind me of this) it is OK to stray out of the lines.). I just finished Shakespeare's Kitchen, and now I am reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, which I can't decide whether I like or not. Have any of you read it? If so, what did you think? Should I keep reading, because there are a lot of books out there, and I don't want to waste my time. :) It's a really odd book, and after the first ten pages I was ready to abandon it, but I kept reading, and now I'm kind of fascinated and kind of turned off all at the same time. I'll keep at it.

I also resolved to eat X number of fruits and vegetables a day. I'm not telling you how many I said I would eat, because you will laugh at me, but really...........I thought it was possible. I had this theory that if I ate an inordinate amount of fruits and vegetables I would just automatically lose weight, kinda like magic, kinda like I would hardly have room for anything else. I'm thinking about making a checklist for this one.
And a syllabus. :)

So, I'm not doing so great. But I have a new mantra for 2011. Want to hear it?
It's this:
I will just do the best I can.

Here's the thing:
I probably will not end this year as skinny as I would like to be.
I probably won't eat as many vegetables as I should.
I probably won't tick as many Pulitzer Prize winners off of my list as I wanted to.
I probably won't write as much as my soul longs to write.
I probably won't spend as much time playing with my kids as I should.
I will probably make some major homeschooling error that will cost Amélie her first college choice.
I will probably not have sex as much as Matt would like.
I will probably spend my days more overwhelmed than is healthy.
I will probably not take some risks that would be life-changing.

But I will do some of those things.
I will hopefully get into a good exercise routine.
I will hopefully eat more veggies.
I will hopefully read more good books.
I will hopefully write.
I will hopefully play.
I will hopefully have some pretty good sex.
I will hopefully learn to cope a bit better.
I will hopefully take some fantastic risks.

And in the meantime, I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to be just, plain good enough.
Because perfect is impossible. And paralyzing. And it ruins my life.

I'm not about mediocre. I hate mediocre.
But I have to embrace good enough.
Tomorrow starts a new week.
And next week,
I will exercise.
I will eat vegetables.
I will read.
I will write.
I will play.
I will have sex.
I will claw my way out of feeling overwhelmed.
I will take a risk that will leave me stronger than I am tonight.

It's all good.
I'm going to do the best I can.
And then take a really deep breath and be OK with that.

Easy Classical--TOS Review

2011-01-10T17:05:00.002-06:00

When I first found out that I would be doing a review of a classical education curriculum for TOS, I wasn't totally thrilled. It's not that I don't believe in classical education--I actually spent an inordinate amount of time over the spring and fall studying classical education and trying to determine if I should go that route with Amélie. In the end, I decided not to, and the main reason was that while I totally fell in love with the idea of a classical education, I knew that my perfectionist, obsessive-compulsive self would not be able to handle, without going into stress overload, the scheduling aspect on my own, especially since I was so new to homeschooling.

Why, then, wasn't I thrilled to see that I was going to be reviewing a scheduling program for classical education? The reason is simple and silly: I just didn't know that it was possible to actually pull off scheduling and do it well. I am pleased, however, to say that I was wrong. Easy Classical definitely succeeds in putting together a quality scheduling product that I would absolutely consider using (in fact...after spending time reviewing this product I am considering changing my curriculum for next year, so obviously I am sold!).

I reviewed the schedule for Early Modern History (Explorers to 1820). Here is the website's explanation of this product:

Easy Classical Early Modern History Schedule includes 36 week-long schedules plus 45+ pages of charts, sheets, and helps that will enhance your child’s learning. Each week’s lesson has review questions with answers, and quizzes included with each lesson. This schedule also includes a shopping list for the next day, as well as detailed instructions on how to use the schedules and the books you purchase. We send you all of this neatly placed in a 1″ 3-ring binder.

So simple! :)

The Early Modern History schedule costs $35.95 for the notebook version or $29.95 for the digital version. If this idea piques your interest, you can do further research by checking out their introduction pages, sample history schedule pages, and sample lesson pages. I thought that the schedule and lesson pages were especially interesting to look at, because I think this company does an excellent job of providing activities and questions that both test the students' comprehension of the material as well as broaden the students' education beyond the pages of a book.

Although I just looked at the history schedule, Easy Classical offers an entire curriculum scheduling package for kindergarten through 6th grade. You can also order a complete schedule, a main schedule, and/or a science schedule.

I would highly recommend this product, and I plan on looking into this company further. You should check it out, as well!

Math Facts Now!: TOS Review

2011-01-05T16:17:00.000-06:00

When I received a downloadable copy of Math Facts Now to review, I was certainly intrigued. I like trying new things for math, and this past semester, under the tutelage of our lovely and brilliant math teacher (and I don't just say that because she has two adorable children I get to eat up once a week while she is doing math with Amélie), my eyes have been opened to a world of math that is incredibly fun and that WORKS. Who knew.

This new mathematical experience has made me pretty picky about math approaches, however. For my daughter, the more senses she uses the better. For example, I had a horrid time trying to teach her evens and odds and to count by 2's and 3's. She learned a song and dance with Courtney, and by that afternoon she had them nailed. (And she learned that at the beginning of the school year and can still spout them off.)

You might guess, then, that I am not a fan of flash cards. I'm sure they work for some kids, but they don't work for mine. Math Facts Now is kind of like flash cards in that the child is given a series of problems to answer. If she gets it right, she gets to move on. If she doesn't get it right, I can choose how many times she has to repeat the missed problem, and the program remembers that that particular equation is a sticky one for her to remember.

Here is how the Math Facts Now website explains the program:

Do you want your child to have instant recall of the math facts?

Look at how Math Facts NOW! helps you to reach that goal!

•You choose which function and which specific numbers to drill (ie: multiplication tables, 8's).

•You choose how many problems to be given in a specific session.

•You choose how much time your child is to be given to complete a problem.

•You choose how many times the child is to repeat problems that he/she made mistakes on or took too long on.

•Math Facts NOW! remembers which problems your child is having difficulty with, and automatically presents them back to the child with greater frequency!

•You choose to enter a reward for the completion of a lesson with no errors.

•You choose to print a list of your child's weak areas.

Amélie didn't exactly love this program, but I thought it was a good drill for her. I especially liked how it repeated the "problem problems" so that she could have extra practice.

Math Facts Now is available as at $15.95 download, or you can order the CD for $15.95 + $3.95 for shipping and handling. I thought the downloadable version worked great, and it would save you an extra 4 bucks. :)

What's even better is that you can try out this program for free to see if it is a good fit for you!! I think that's pretty great, and I would definitely recommend that you give it a try.

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are writing about this site, you can check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

blog therapy/introducing princess leia

2010-12-30T16:52:00.000-06:00

I should say right off that I am writing this blog post as therapy. I am watching the Kansas State/Syracuse football game, and I'm stressed out. I find it best to engage in other activities while being stressed out during football games, so today it's blogging.

Just don't be surprised if I interject loud wails of frustration (or excitement, although at this point it's all frustration).

BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Syracuse just scored a touchdown.
Boo. Boo. Boo.
Grrrrr...........................

So, let's talk about something happy.
Here's happy: puppy breath.
Ah, is there anything sweeter than puppy breath (besides baby breath, perhaps).
Yes, indeed, we have puppy.

Introducing to the world...

Princess Leia

Is she cute or is she cute?????????

Molly isn't quite so sure.

Guess how I am feeling today?

Sleep-deprived. A new puppy is like a new baby. The last time we had a new puppy I was in grad school. That wasn't so easy, either, but I have a feeling this will be more overwhelming and exhausting.

The puppy belongs to the kids, but I can't make them play night-duty, can I?

No. Probably not.

She actually did really well last night until 3:00, and then I was up with her like...every 20 minutes. Argh.

Here's Leia's story...

On Christmas morning, the kids had a letter on the cookie plate from Santa. The letter stated that they were going to receive one more present that wasn't ready quite yet, and we were instructed to drive to a house in Pleasant Hill, ask for Grannie Karen, and pick up their present on Wednesday evening. We knew better than to disobey Santa's orders, so we dutifully loaded ourselves up last night and drove down to Pleasant Hill. We walked in the door, and there was a puppy! The kids were overwhelmed with happiness and excitement and disbelief.

A PUPPY!!!

They think Santa is a pretty nice guy.

And now...we have Princess Leia, our cute little Jack Russell.

Thankfully we still have her. My dear friend Tara came by to see us earlier today, and I thought she might sneak her out in her sweatshirt. I had to watch her carefully as she headed out the door. At the moment she is tucked into Matt's vest and is sleeping through her first K State football game.

I should interject here that Amélie keeps giving me rather reproachful looks, because apparently I am too loud during football games, which could adversely affect Leia's puppy sleep.

I say that as soon as she is sleeping through the night she can complain all she wants about my loud football vocalization.

Hmph.

I suppose I should go back to the football game. I think in the time I have written here K State has scored a touchdown. But so has Syracuse.

At least we have the ball now.

And we have another first down!

OH! OH! OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have a first down at the 16-yard line.

I bleed purple through and through, but seriously.........I get myself way, way too emotionally involved. I can't just step back...relax...and watch the game.

I am way too intense.

way too passionate.

way too emotionally invested.

which sums up my life, pretty much. :)

that's ok.

life is intense.

and passionate.

and chock full of emotional investment.

I'm all in.

2010-12-26T22:08:00.000-06:00

The Christmas rush is over. The season has been celebrated. Time has been spent with family. Memories have been made. Excessive chocolate has been eaten. Presents have been opened.

And now we look ahead to the new year.

I'm a sucker.
I like the promise of a new year.
I like the idea of starting over.
I like the idea of waking up on January 1st a new person.
I know life doesn't work that way.

I know I won't wake up on January 1st totally fit, negative 25 pounds, and craving cauliflower.
But still...I fall for it every time: the promise, the hope, the anticipation.

Do you make New Year's resolutions?
What might they be?

I have already started thinking about this process, this journey of promise and hope and anticipation.
And failure, you might say.
Well, yes, failure.
But let's not talk about failure right now.
Let's talk about the promise and hope and anticipation. Let's talk about what I'm going to change in my life this next year.
Please try not to be cynical. I do such a good job being cynical. Really, I can muster up enough cynicism for the both of us. So for now, let's just focus on the positive.
And don't laugh at me for stubbornly believing that change is possible.

I have a lot more thinking to do, but here are the ways, so far, that my life is going to change this next year.

Writing. I'm going to write. Matt bought me a new desk for Christmas. It is small. It looks a bit old-fashioned, in a lovely sort of way. It sits against a window in my living room. It's perfect. He says he will take it back if I don't sit at it and write. He wouldn't do that, of course. But still. Right now I am sitting on the couch. And I keep stealing glances at the promise that exists at that desk. I can't write so much right now about writing. It's something I am pondering and dreaming about and am talking little about. I just can't. I might talk more about writing here. I might not. Hmmmm.... Let's just say that this year I am going to write.
Reading. I love to read. Matt accused me last night of having a secret love affair with literature. I informed him it wasn't really a secret. I love to read. I love literature. But here's the thing: I realized that I feel guilty when I read for pleasure. Therefore, when I read, I often read to learn. Now don't get me wrong. I love to read to learn. I love reading about parenting and birth and eating healthy foods and politics and religion. I really do. But those books feed my mind. I need books to feed my soul. At night before bed I have been leisurely reading through Mary Oliver's new book of poetry. The first night I read through the book there were tears trickling down my face. It wasn't so much that the poems themselves were emotionally moving, although some were. It was just that...her words were beautiful and moving and lyrical. And my soul responded. And I cried. I am going to spend this year feeding my literature-starved soul.
Music. I love music. This holiday season I have absolutely loved listening to The Messiah. Again. And again. And again. It's beautiful. That music, like the literature I love, feeds my soul. I also love folk music. I am, as of last week, obsessed with Ingrid Michaelson. Really obsessed with her. I have to listen to her album at least once a day, and when I think no one is looking I hit repeat. One aspect of folk music that I love is close harmony. Yesterday I took a bath (merry christmas to me!!) and listened to Girlyman. I was reading Anne Lamott, whom I love, and then I would stop reading to listen (and, OK, to sing along) during some amazing harmony, and my soul was singing at least as loudly as my voice. I am going to spend this year savoring the music that I love.

And there is more. But that's it for now.
I can only allow myself promise and hope and anticipation in small doses.

merry christmas

2010-12-24T10:17:00.000-06:00

If, as Herod, we fill our lives with things, and again with things; if we consider ourselves as so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action, when will we have the time to make the long, slow journey across the desert as did the Magi? Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds? Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary? For each one of us, there is a desert to travel. A star to discover. And a being within ourselves to bring to life (Author Unknown)

My Tiny Planets--TOS Review

2010-12-17T16:58:00.000-06:00

My Tiny Planets is a big website with equally large credentials and endorsements. It was co-created by Sesame Workshop and has been endorsed by Montessori International. It has also won two BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) awards – Interactive Best Entertainment Website and Best Children's Interactive. Quite admirable, I'd say!

Here's the rundown:

Tiny Planets TV: Here you can watch the Tiny Planets television episodes. Their website notes that Tiny Planets TV "emphasizes science education and early learning goals, such as social and emotional development, language and literacy, problem-solving and reasoning, knowledge and understanding of our world, and creative development."

Both Amélie and Jack enjoyed the TV episodes. Bing and Bong are a nicely-wrapped cartoon package of lovable, entertaining, and educational! The first episode is free, but additional episodes cost a certain number of keys. Keys can be purchased in the parent account for the following amounts:
10 keys: $1.95
25 keys: $3.95
85 keys: $9.95
250 keys: $25.95
600 keys: $49.95

My Tiny Planets is an online community and virtual world where kids can create an avatar (their "space cadet") and "solve galactic missions with Bing and Bong, sharpen their wits with fast-paced mini-games, navigate their spaceships and avoid wormholes, adopt and care for their own planet, and nurture exotic plants in a biodome, all the while racking up achievements and special badges for their accomplishments."

Amélie especially liked adopting and caring for her own planet (I mean, who wouldn't like to create their own planet???). She got a little tired of the games that required spaceship navigation (I think she wished for a little more variety, perhaps?), and sometimes she got a little confused as to what she was supposed to do. I should confess right now that I am not a fan of computer games, so I honestly don't like to figure out how to do things Amélie can't decipher. I probably could have figured things out faster if I had a teeny, tiny bit more patience (maybe). :)

Tiny Planets Fun is a spot where kids can "enjoy brainy puzzle games (like fractions, sound and seek, and symmetry), as well as coloring books and comics." The TV episodes are also on this site.

Amélie likes games, so she had fun deciphering the puzzles. I liked it that the games were educational and were helping her learn concepts and symmetry in a fun way.

"On Tiny Planets Books you'll find interactive story books for younger children featuring Bing and Bong, their friends the locals and the flockers, and all the endearing planets in the Universe of Tiny Planets. Read these books with your child, or teach your child to read on their own!"

My kids really, really enjoy digital books (which kind of makes me a bit crazy, if you want to know the truth). I have an app that downloads a free kids' book every day, and they are always clambering to be the first one to get to read it. As such, they enjoyed these books, and it was fun that they had the connection of Bing and Bong from the TV Series and the games. You can read two books for free and then purchase additional books with keys.

Tiny Planets Labs is the spot where kids can try out the games that are in the testing phase. Amélie had fun trying out the games, although she seemed to have more fun checking out the other parts of this site.

"Tiny Planets Learning is the site for parents, homeschoolers, and educators. Here you'll find lesson plans that include educational activities and science experiments to do at home. Also, you'll see how every episode in the Tiny Planets television series maps to early learning goals."

OK, I have a confession to make. I didn't spend very much time on this portion of the site. The thing is...I already have my hands full doing our rather time-intensive curriculum, and I chose to use this site as a fun site for my kids...with the added perk that it was also educational. However, it looked like there was some great information here for parents who might want to take what is offered on this website one step further.

Whew! That was A LOT of information! It is a huge site, though, and it takes awhile to navigate, figure out, and unlock its fun potential. We have enjoyed having this site to play with. One of my favorite parts is that much of it is free. There are definitely more things to do if you purchase the keys, but it's not like some sites that I know Amélie has gotten really frustrated with because it seems like all of the fun stuff requires money. It was fun having some keys to use up (we received 25 keys to use), and I would say it would be worth it to purchase extra keys, but I honestly am not sure that I would do so. However, I have never bought any extra stuff on a game site, so that could just be me and how I operate. :)

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are writing about this site, you can check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. Aside from the 25 keys deposited into my account, I was given no other compensation for this review.

my Christmas poem...

2010-12-16T16:08:00.004-06:00

I don't pretend to be a poet. I'm more of a poetic prose kind of girl. However, this poem won me 100 bucks two years ago, so I'm reposting it.
(Just don't sing it to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree," because it doesn't work.)

Oh, Christmas Tree. Oh, Christmas Tree.
How lovely are your branches.
My little son pulls you down
In ornamental avalanches.

The fat little Santa from my first year
The bulb from my great-grandma
Are crushed and how I long to cry
With loud holiday drama.

The next morning, though, I awake
With sweet anticipation.
The art of cookies must be passed
Down to the next generation.

Hours later I emerge
Sticky and flour-y and sick,
And decide that perhaps next year
A bakery might just do the trick.

I decide to go and Christmas shop.
My babysitter bails.
We scuttle from the mall
Amid toddler tantrums, screams, and wails.

We escape the mall as fast as I,
My bags, and child are able.
I decide we need to spend some time
With the baby in the stable.

In awe I lead him by the hand
To gaze with reverence at the manger.
I do not know that holy child
Is cloaked in mortal danger.

The baby curled up in the hay
Looks like a soft, fun ball.
In horror I watch as with delight
Jack hurls him down the hall.

sigh.

I could give you cookie crumbles
Or a half-wrapped Christmas gift,
But instead let’s think about
How my priorities need to shift.

So I will wrap up for you
Some faith, family, hope, and joy.
These gifts will last much longer
Than a transient Christmas toy.

blog reconciliation

2010-12-11T22:34:00.001-06:00

I haven't posted anything besides a review on here in so long that I don't even know what to say anymore. There is sort of this awkwardness that exists now between myself and my blog. We don't quite know what to say to each other. My blog is sick of hearing my excuses for not posting. I feel a lot of guilt, so I just tend to avoid our relationship. Maybe we need therapy.

A blog is so tricky, really. I came home from a meeting with someone a few weeks ago, and I had so much to process. Normally, I would hash it out with Matt after the kids were in bed, but he had the audacity to go meet some guy from Canada for sushi that night after the kids were in tucked in, so I didn't have my usual sounding board. I tried to journal, but my thoughts were flying so fast that my pen couldn't keep up. I opened up a "New Post" window here, but it was really too personal (and fresh and unprocessed) to post publicly. I didn't know what to do with myself!
I think I actually ended up just talking to myself. That worked pretty well, but if just wasn't the same.

Do you talk to yourself? I don't mean muttering things like, "Now where the heck did I put those keys?" but like a real conversation, like talking to yourself as if that self were sitting beside you in the passenger seat while you were driving. I am a big fan of talking to myself. If you ever drive up beside me, please don't tell me at a later date what I look like, because then I will have to hold my phone up to my ear or something to make it look like I am actually talking to someone. Maybe it is a wee bit crazy, but if I am by myself, a rare enough occasion in itself, chances are I have a lot of unfinished thoughts in my brain that need to be thought through. And the easiest way to do that is to talk out loud. If I think inside my head, then my brain will wander 20,000 different directions, and I won't ever complete a thought.

I really didn't mean to write a post on talking to myself. I didn't really mean to write a post on anything. I'm just breaking the silence and trying to reestablish a relationship with my blog. I hope this is a first step towards getting back together again. I'm uncomfortable with our awkward silence and am hoping for a reconciliation.

TOS Review--Good Morning, God

2010-12-10T22:01:00.000-06:00

I am always happy when we receive a book in the mail to review (I think I've mentioned that on here before once...or twice...or more). :) One afternoon I went out to my mailbox and found a copy of the book Good Morning, God by Davis Carman and published by Apologia Press. Even before I read the book my kids liked to sit down and look at the pictures. The illustrations, by Alice Ratterree, are absolutely beautiful. In fact, the illustrations were my favorite part of the book.

The idea of the book is good. It is based Deuteronomy 6:6-7, which says "These commands that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." The story then repetitively threads the ideas from these verses throughout the book in a story of one family's dweekly activities. At the end of the book, a little study guide is included with some ideas of activities to do with kids each day of the week. I like children's stories with repetition, and Jack especially loves stories with repetition, but I did not think that the story flowed very well. I tend to like repetition in books when it is more lyrical (or maybe rhythmical is a better word to use), but the repetition in the book seemed a bit clunky to me.

One great aspect of the book, as a homeschooling family, is that the family in the book is a homeschooling family as well! That doesn't happen very often! Amélie noticed that right away, and she liked the connection. Honestly, my kids really did like this book. It is probably a bit young for Amélie to want to listen to more than once, but Jack has brought it to me several times to read to him, so he seems to give it a thumbs up. Maybe I should have let him write the review. :)

If you would like to purchase this book, you can do so here for $14.00. You can also purchase an accompanying coloring book for $4.00, which I think would be a nice supplement.

If you would like to see what my other TOS Crewmates had to say about these books check out their reviews here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

TOS Homeschool Review--Nanuk: A Baby Polar Bear's Story

2010-11-29T22:22:00.001-06:00

As a bibliophile, I adore books. I sometimes keep myself away from bookstores so that I don't spend food money on my preferred form of nourishment. I always think of the Erasmus quote: "When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes." That sentence quite aptly describes me. It is a special treat to me, then, when I receive a book in the mail that is free.

(When I was teaching writing and literature at K State, I took such unfair advantage of the free textbooks I could request from publishers. Do you have any idea how many free copies of short story and introduction to literature anthologies are on my bookshelves upstairs? I can't part with any of them. It's a problem.)

The book we received in the mail to review was called Nanuk: A Baby Polar Bear's Story, which is part of a series called My Animal Family from Smart Kids Publishing, Inc. We loved this book! My kids both loved the story of a young polar bear who loves to romp and play with his brother but who is also learning how to survive in his cold, icy habitat. The artwork is just as compelling as the story, and each page is covered with realistic and beautiful watercolors of this polar bear family and the landscape that surrounds them. I know that this will be a book that we will look at together many times.

Although the hardback book is, in itself, worth its $10.39 pricetag, the book also comes with a companion DVD with BBC footage that shows a mother polar bear and her two cubs in their natural habitat. My kids both loved the video. Not only is the footage incredible, but the commentary is wonderful, too. The narration is done by a child from the point of view of one of the young polar bears, and this pov made the DVD quite interesting for my kids, who sat in front of the TV quite enthralled. I was trying to fix lunch in the kitchen, and I must confess I kept sneaking back into the living room to watch the footage and learn about polar bears. The DVD also includes a song to learn, which I was a little disappointed in. The song was well-done, but I don't think that it is catchy enough for my kids to want to repeatedly listen to and actually learn.

One fun perk to this book is that when you buy the book you are given 30 days of access to the My Animal Family website where kids can play educational games. My daughter liked the games, but it took quite awhile to earn enough points to "buy" necessary items to get further in the game, and that was a little frustrating for her. It seems if at least some of the items were worth fewer points the game might hold kids' interest for a longer period of time.

Overall, the print and media combination of this book series is quite well done. There are several other books in this series as well, and I think it would be well worth the money to invest in at least one of these wonderful books.

missing ed....

2010-11-24T22:41:00.000-06:00

Two years ago today we lost our Ed. I know he was "just" a dog. I know it's probably silly that I am sitting here with tears. But to us, he was family. He was our Ed--our melancholy, deep, beautiful old soul. In honor of him, I am copying and pasting my post about him from two years ago.
I still love you, Ed.... <3

Sometime in the blackness of last night I had a dream. In that dream, I looked up and saw Ed, my old soul, my Eeyore, my weimaraner of almost 12 years. He ambled over to his dog bed to lie down, and I threw myself on his back, buried my face in his soft fur, and sobbed. I was crying deep, grieving sobs, but I was also so joyful. “I didn’t know…” I told him between sobs. “I didn’t know that you could come back. I’m so glad you’re here. So, so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you so.” After awhile he sort of dissolved into space, and I was sad, but I was also relieved. He would come back. I didn’t know that could happen after death.

Then I woke up, and of course it was just a dream. Ed was gone, and I knew that he wouldn’t come back ever again. I will no longer be able to stare into his soft, knowing eyes. I will never again wrap my arms around his solid, lumpy softness. I will never again rest my head on his back and breathe in his musky scent.

Ed died last Monday of gastric dilatation. I didn’t even get to tell him a proper goodbye, because I didn’t know that Matt would feel his last heartbeats beneath his fingers as he carried our good old dog into the vet that morning. I had been talking to my mother-in-law on the phone, expressing my concern about Ed’s obvious discomfort, when Matt’s call beeped in. I had made Matt promise me he would call me if the vet decided to put him to sleep so that I could go there and say goodbye and hold him as he died. But it was too late. When I called my mother-in-law back moments later, she didn’t even speak when she answered the phone. She couldn’t talk, because she was crying too. Matt came and picked me up and we returned to the vet together with Jack and Molly. He just looked like he was sleeping there on the table, and I don’t think it really sunk in as I held him and hugged him and told him goodbye that I was, in fact, telling him goodbye forever. An hour later we picked Amélie up in the parking lot of her school, and she held on to her daddy and cried as we told her the news.

I know that a lot of people love their dogs, but Ed was special. He truly was an old soul. When we got Ed, he was a reject puppy who was skinny and neurotic and all feet and ears. We instantly fell in love. At the time, I was struggling deeply with an eating disorder, and as strange as it sounds, Ed’s arrival was a crucial impetus in my healing. Ed unconditionally loved me. I unconditionally loved Ed. I honestly don’t think I had ever allowed myself to be unconditionally loved before.

He always seemed so sad, though. When he was three years old we ascertained that his melancholy temperament was due to loneliness, so we brought home a very young soul, Molly. We quickly realized that loneliness was not his problem, and I don’t know that he ever forgave us for ousting him from his only-child position in our family and introducing to him not only a dog sister, but also two human siblings. Still, he loved us, followed us everywhere, and always, always provided a solid yet soft self to wrap hurting arms around.

He was part-human, I think…or perhaps he was more than human. I remember one time, especially, when a dear friend flew in to visit me because she was in the middle of a heart-breaking crisis. We spent hours on my couch talking and crying, and every time my friend would be about to cry, Ed would lay his head on her lap and look up at her with limpid eyes full of sympathy and understanding. It was uncanny. It was amazing. It was Ed.

He should have been a bird dog. He should have spent his life galloping through fields and bringing his master his prey. Instead, he was stuck with us. He patiently stalked squirrels in our back yard, “pointed” at anything even remotely interesting, and climbed, with both increasing difficulty and frequency, on our couch or bed. He watched us through his old-soul eyes, and I think that if I would have stopped, flung my arms around him, and listened more often, I might be a wiser woman today.

My heart hurts as I write this. I can’t even see my comptuer screen.

I miss you, Ed. I love you. Please come back to me in my dreams again so I can busy my nose in your fur, and please, please, God…let there be at least one dog in heaven, and let that dog be Ed.

Corps of Re-Discovery Review--Cornhusk Doll Kit

2010-11-15T21:46:00.000-06:00

When we received the Cornhusk Doll Kit in the mail from Corps of Re-Discovery, Amélie's eyes lit up. She loves it when we get any package in the mail to review, but the opportunity to do a craft together made her especially excited. She loves "projects"!

(and let me just insert here right up front that I might have pictures to include except for the fact that my camera has hidden itself in a remote location of my home. Argh!)

Corps of Re-Discovery is a company that was founded after a homeschooling family took the task of studying American history quite literally and traversed across 47 of the 50 states! They came back, combined their creativity and ingenuity, and created a company that offers craft projects of several eras and people of American history, including Native American, Pioneer and Colonial, and Frontiersman. They also offer leatherworking materials.

We received the girl cornhusk doll to assemble, and honestly, the timing could not have been more perfect for us. We are studying world history this year, but we just started reading Little House in the Big Woods, and Laura has a cornhusk doll! Amélie now has more of an idea about what life was like when children were playing with cornhusk dolls rather than American Girl dolls, and she can also use her imagination and play "Little House on the Prairie."

We enjoyed assembling the doll together, although there were a couple of spots where I got a bit confused (however, it is hard to say whether this is a flaw in the product directions or my own user error!). At the moment she is naked, because I could not maneuver a needle and thread if my very life depended on it. We are going to bring the doll to my mother-in-law's house, and I am sure she will be more than happy to help us sew the apron.

I was very impressed with this educational AND fun product, and at the very reasonable price of $4.50, I just might order more of these doll kids or some of the other reasonably priced items from their website for Christmas presents!

If you would like to see what my other TOS Crewmates had to say about both the Cornhusk Doll and other Corps of Rediscovery Products, check them out here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

chiaroscuro, this time with a bit more light and a little less shadow

2010-10-28T17:08:00.001-05:00

I feel like I have been rather negative on this blog recently. It is true that I have been incredibly overwhelmed lately with how things are going in my life and rather underwhelmed at my ability to deal with life's daily stresses. Some things are, for sure, tough right now.
Jack is exerting every ounce of power his little three-year-old self can muster. I am exhausted with the effort of out-maneuvering and overpowering that little boy's strong, strong will. Today, I have battle scars in the form of teeth marks. And he probably still tastes the lingering, acidic effect of the vinegar I stuck on his tongue. There are long, tough days ahead with that little guy. But that same tough, strong, passionate spirit that exhausts me also delights me. While he expresses his anger with abandon, so does he also express his love, adoration, and delight.
Amélie has been tough in a different way. She doesn't bite or hit or roar, but she does fling herself on the floor in moments of dramatic flair (and flair, mind you, is a nice way to put it).
"Do you really think I can figure out how to put QUOTATION MARKS OUTSIDE OF OTHER PUNCTUATION MARKS?!?!"
Oh, the horror. The injustice.
"YOU WANT ME TO MEMORIZE THIS POEM IN 8 WEEKS????? I CAN'T DO IT! I CAN'T! THERE'S NO WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!"
(She has already memorized the poem, by the way, which I knew she would and could. She learned "Bed in Summer" by Robert Louis Stevenson this week, and next week, we will start a new poem, probably...hopefully...with less panic and drama.)

I see myself in my kids. I see my own anger, bitten back, swallowed, and then expressed in peeled hangnails, anxiety, depression, and, in my past, through an eating disorder and other various self-destructive behaviors.

I also see in Jack different flavors of the OCD that haunts me today. It worries me. Scares me. Keeps me up at night with fear and grief.

And in Amélie, I see a mirror-image of the anxiety that plagues me day by day and moment by moment. How I often greet a new scenario with the desire to fling myself onto the floor, with her exact dramatic flair, and exclaim, "I can't! I can't! I just know I CAN'T!!!"

And that's the bad stuff.

But here's the good stuff, and I'm writing it here more for me to remember than for you. ;)

This week's homeschooling has been great. Truly great. Sure, there were the fits about quotation marks and poem memorization. But honestly, that's been the extent of drama in our homeschooling week, which is pretty much borderline miraculous. Her attitude has been amazing this week. She has delighted in learning about how birds incubate eggs. She has soaked up information on the upcoming Hindu festival of Diwali, and has helped me concoct ways that we can celebrate our own festival of lights. She has surprised me with the creative, bright color combinations of her rangolis. She brought me to tears as I saw the empathy and wonder and faith in her eyes as we finished the amazing, adventurous story of the missionary Gladys Aylward . She has absolutely floored me with her ability to memorize verses and poetry so quickly. It's been good.

And I want to remember this good next week, when she doesn't want to do a single blasted thing that is on our school to-do list.

Several years ago I discovered Leonard Cohen, and some of my favorite lines ever are from his song, "Anthem":
Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.

This week, I am thankful for the cracks that have let in some light. I needed light. Oh, how I needed light. Life is such a woven tapestry of chiaroscuro, and I am thankful that this week, I was blessed to spend some time in the light as well as the shadow. I am thankful that I can celebrate my own Diwali, my own festival of lights, within my soul.

TOS Review--PGKey's SafeKey

2010-10-27T18:37:00.000-05:00

As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew, we received a PGKey SafeKey in the mail to test and review. As their website states, "PG Key was created and endorsed by a team that includes internet security specialists, law enforcement, educators, parenting experts and family psychologists to give you the first complete internet safety solution. PG Key gives you everything you need to keep your children and teens safe online and be alerted and informed when dangers do come up – all with one simple, plug in device."

Their website also clearly explains the tools you will receive when you purchase the PG Key for $49.95, which you can purchase directly from their website, from http://www.amazon.com/, or from select retailers. You can even request a free trial!

Access Control

Control computer use by inserting or unplugging PG Key.

Time Allowance
Decide the amount of time the computer can be used daily.

Content Filtering
Eliminate unwanted results from innocent searches.

Site Blocking
Block sites you decide are inappropriate.

Activity Tracking
Review all activity on the PC with a DVD-like interface.

Activity Notifications
Be informed via text message or e-mail of any flagged activity.

Chat and E-mail Logging
See both sides of chat and e-mail conversations.

Computer Configuration
Properly configure all users of the protected PC.

User Name and Password Logging
Keep track of user names and passwords.

Inappropriate Activity Evidence
Use video recording to show obvious or suspected inappropriate activity.

I think that if I suspected that my kids were looking up inappropriate sites on the computer, this device could be very helpful. It is nice that there are no monthly or annual fees and that all you have to do is plug it in to start protecting your computer (and your kids). I most appreciated the feature of blocking unwanted results from innocent searches. I have certainly sat down with my kids to look up a subject we are interested in and been shocked to see what has shown up on the screen! My fingers' reflexes have certainly been tested to see how quickly they could click away from a picture! We have not had that problem since inserting the PG Key.

I am not entirely sure how I feel about the chat and email logging and the video recording, however. Honestly, I don't have kids old enough where I have to worry about what they are typing or chatting. I would like to think that I won't invade their privacy and check what they are saying online. It feels like peeking into someone's journal, which feels very wrong to me. However, some of you with older kids may call me naive, and I may say the same about myself and change my mind when my children are older. :)

Because my kids are so young, we did not find this device as useful, I am sure, as families with older kids. Some of those families with older children did review this product, and you can read what they have to say here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

on falling apart and piecing myself back together again

2010-10-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

I can probably count on one hand the number of times Matt has come home from work to find me collapsed someplace crying. Truthfully, I don't cry that much. Honestly, I wish I cried more than I did. I often feel like crying much more frequently than I can actually execute the crying. Thursday afternoon, however, was an exception. When Matt walked in the back door, I was crying. And I couldn't stop.
I had to stop, though, because I am driven by duty, and I was hosting the mom's group from church for dinner. So after a few minutes of sympathetic hugging (thankfully, he wasn't intent on fixing the situation at that moment), I turned off the tears and got to work.
I still felt sick to my stomach, though.

Thursday was not a good day.
Turns out, Friday wasn't really either.
The thing is, I think I am a bit of a mess at the moment.

I actually started this post on Friday, and I spelled out the nightmare of the day before. It wasn't that bad. It was kid stuff. Temper tantrums. Whining. A feeling of complete and utter helplessness and incompetence in my role as a parent. The kind of junk we moms and dads deal with all of the time.
But I had absolutely no emotional reserve to handle it.
And that's why I fell apart.

I have observed, though, in these past few days when I have felt on the brink of losing my mind, the moments when I feel a bit more pieced together again.
The people I have spent time with in the past few days have no idea how just the acts of engaging in adult conversation, receiving a friendly hug, or offering a sympathetic nod have strengthened me, fortified me, and helped me weave the shreds of my soul back together again.

And here's the other thing I realized: I need to read.
Last night the kids played outside a bit and I sat inside on the couch. One hand was in a popcorn bowl filled with coconut-oil and salt drenched popcorn. The other hand was turning pages of a book I have connected to in ways I can't quite explain.
The book is called Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris. I would love to recommend this book to you, but I'm not sure how. About a week ago I sent an effusively enthusiastic email to someone about this book. I copied a poignant and inspiring paragraph. I offered my own insight. I think the email fell on deaf ears (or blind eyes, or whatever emails fall on).
And that's OK, because the thing about this book is that I want to burrow down into it. When I read this book I curl up, hunker down, and let is swallow, nourish, and envelop me.

You know how sometimes, when you carry a delicious secret around with you for a long time, and you tell someone about it, it somehow loses its deliciousness?
That's how this book is, perhaps.
Except............I'm telling you about it.
I'm not telling you anything specific, though. I'm not necessarily recommending it to you.
I'm just saying that this book has been necessary for me.
And that after I finish it, I will probably feel a little lost...but also, I hope, more whole and complete.

Maybe you should read this book.
And if you do, maybe you shouldn't tell me about it.
Maybe you should just let yourself be swallowed, nourished, and enveloped.

And maybe, just maybe, next time you see me you will find me a little less emotionally shredded and a little more at peace.

blogwalk

2010-10-04T21:49:00.000-05:00

The blogwalk has been a bit quiet over at TOS lately, so when another list was posted it got lost in the shuffle of my life. Here is the blogwalk from a couple of weeks ago:

1. Hearthside Homeschool Reviews... And More
2. Loving Learning at Home
3. Life on the Roller Coaster
4. A Life Better Than I Deserve
5. Joy in the Journey
6. Homeschooling, Autism and Stuff
7. There is Hope
8. Homeschool Reviews for You
9. Mom Loves Books
10. The Legacy of Home

this 'n that

2010-09-30T20:29:00.002-05:00

I started a post last week, and part of it was a whole paragraph devoted to a glowing review of homeschooling, so I can't post that tonight, because my daughter informed me this afternoon that she doesn't learn anything in school. Now, I will say, she said the same thing last year when she was in regular school (and, I think, the year before), so of course she is not a credible source, but still,
I'll admit,
I flipped out a bit.
SERIOUSLY??????? Not learning?
What, exactly, does she think we do from 9:00 - 3:30 or so every flippin' day????
When she asks to read yet another chapter of a book to me, is that not learning?
When she explains to Matt at the dinner table how our food is digested or how our nerves deliver messages to our brain or how our nose blocks germs or about her vibrating voice box has she really learned nothing?
When she recognizes the Greek gods and goddesses when they come up in a TV show, has she not been learning?
When she has memorized twelve Bible verses in the past 8 weeks, is that not learning?
When she can whip the fact families out of her brain, is that not learning?
When she can name the 7 continents and 4 oceans without even blinking, is that not learning?
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'll admit it. I kinda...sorta...lost it a bit. I didn't yell or scream or throw things (although inside that is precisely what I was doing), but I did suggest that, if she didn't think she was learning, she could most certainly attend the lovely school down the street, and then I would spend my day doing other things.
"Like what?" she asked, incredulously.
Like what?
Well, I could catch up on laundry. I could reinvent the friendships that somehow dissipated in the past few months. I could take on more doula clients. I could write. I could read. I could clean my house. I could sit down with a quiet and solitary cup of coffee in the afternoon. I could go back to baking bread.

I'm not trying to be a martyr here. I love homeschooling her. I do. I love the bond we now have. I love the lovely people who have floated into my life since we started homeschooling. I love the depth and breadth and realness of the new friends I have made. I love learning with her.
But today, I was ready to chuck it all.

Tonight, I'm still frustrated, but I'm clinging to the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
Like...maybe...my client will go into labor and we will have the day off. :)
No, seriously...
(well, seriously, that's precisely what I am thinking)
But seriously...
it's temporary. This semester has been, overall, great. I can't BELIEVE how much she is learning, despite the fact that she thinks otherwise.

In fact, maybe I should be happy she said that. Honestly, it's doesn't "feel" like she is learning when she is reading to me a book about a family headed out to California during the Gold Rush. It doesn't "feel" like she is learning when we are reading about the people of Guinea Bissau. It doesn't "feel" like we are learning when we play math games with M&M's and Fruit Loops.
But she is learning.
I am learning.
And it's all going to be OK.
Tomorrow is a new day, with a fresh slate...the promise of sunshine...and a mama who is at 4cm and is going to go into labor any second (please, please, please, please, please).

Schleich--TOS Homeschool Review

2010-09-24T06:30:00.007-05:00

While I love any day that a package of homeschooling materials to review comes in the mail, I must admit that it was a particularly joyous day in our household when I opened up a box of items to review that contained TOYS!!! It was like Christmas had arrived at our household...only the mail carrier was the deliverer of the coveted goods rather than Santa and the temperature topped 90 degrees rather than bottoming out below freezing.

The reason for our glee was a box of animal figures from the German manufacturer Schleich. Schleich is a company that produces over 500 quality, realistic figurines that spark a child's imagination and provide hours of creative play. According to the introductory letter I received from the company in the mail, "The 'Schleich way to play' offers an ideal bridge from early learning books to creative play without the need for explanation or instructions. All our toys are natural and accurate copies of the animals, people, historical periods, and fantasy worlds they represent. Each toy mould is precision engineered by a German master craftsman who works on the finest details for up to six weeks. After finishing, the figurines are all painted by hand--meaning each toy is absolutely unique. Most importantly, they are durable and safe while exceeding global safety standards."

As you can infer from the above paragraph, the quality of Schleich toys is outstanding. We have many animal toys in our household, but none of these even begins to compare with the realistic, quality figures that we received from this company. My two children noticed the difference, too. Instead of clopping their plastic figurines through a plastic barnyard, my kids were suddenly transported to the jungle with these toys, and they were growling and pounding their way through the brush and trees that had apparently suddenly sprung up on my living room floor. My three-year-old son especially enjoys integrating these animals into his imaginative play.

My only potential concern with this product is the price. These toys, while not outrageously expensive, are more pricey than most toy animals. As you can see here, they range in price from about $7.00 to almost $100.00. However, I must say that after having these toys in my home, I would most certainly recommend paying the extra few dollars for toys that are this well-crafted.

If you would like to try these toys out for yourself (or your kids!), you can find them in the Kansas City area at speciality toy shops like Zoom and Arsa Toys, and they are also available at Target and Toys "R" Us. You should certainly check them out!

Some of my fellow Crew members have also been playing with Schleich toys! If you want to see their reviews, you can do so here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

Salem Ridge Press--TOS Review

2010-09-22T06:30:00.007-05:00

A few weeks ago we received the book Soldier Fritz and the Enemies He Fought in the mail from Salem Ridge Press. We also received two e-books, Mary Jane--Her Visit and The American Twins of the Revolution just to give us a better taste of the types of books that this company has to offer.

Salem Ridge Press was founded in 2005 to offer reprints of quality, previously published children's books from the 1800's and early 1900's. Following the Charlotte Mason principle of learning through "living books" rather than textbooks, this company offers books that make history come alive for the young readers who quickly become engrossed in the stories these authors weave.

The stories that I read to my daughter from this company actually reminded me of the books I read when I was a child. I honestly can't say that I remember one detail from a history class, but I could retell countless tales of the history I learned as I read and re-read stories of people who lived in a different time and place. Similarly, I quickly became engrossed in the stories we received. I must confess that I cheated and read ahead a bit because our daily reading time wasn't going quite fast enough, and I wanted to know what was going to happen in the lives of the children in whom I had become so quickly invested.

One thing that I really appreciated about these books is that they tell a compelling, well-written story in a way that appeals to young (and old) listeners and readers. My daughter was especially engrossed in the story of Sally and Roger, the twins whose story of living through The Revolution is captivatingly and descriptively told. I watched Amélie include bits of their story in her pretend play, and I was reminded of my own youth and the hours I spent pretending I was helping slaves escape on the Underground Railroad or attending Queen Elizabeth as a lady-in-waiting. I love it that I see that same creativity and love for history in my own daughter.

As their website notes, the founders of Salem Ridge Press believe, as I do, that introducing quality literature to our children helps them excel in writing, vocabulary, history, geography, and science. This belief is one of the main reasons I made the radical leap of pulling Amélie out of public school and teaching her at home. History is a living, breathing guest in our home, and I wouldn't trade the creativity or the love for learning she has gifted our family with for anything...even that well-coveted solitary cup of coffee in the afternoon. :)

Another perk of Salem Ridge Press is the clarity and organization of their website. I found it very easy to maneuver through the site and find books not only alphabetically, but also by time period and location, author, and age range. This organization is especially helpful for parents trying to find books that might pique interest in a fledgling reader or that might supplement the study of a particular historical time period. You can also find listings by New Releases, Historical Fiction, Adventure, Allegory, and Younger Readers.

While I appreciate the fact that I can buy these books for my kids and not have to worry about my kids reading anything questionable, I take issue with their editing of passages that include any sort of physical affection. I think it is important for my children to understand the importance of expressing love in a physical way, and while I wouldn't want them to be reading what goes on behind a bedroom door, I want them to read about couples who have healthy, physical relationships. I believe this exposure will help my kids as they try to maneuver the tricky waters of relationships with the opposite sex. Besides, if they never read about any other adults in books kissing or hugging one another, they will come to the totally errant conclusion that their parents are just plain weird. :)

I do, however, think that these books could be a valuable supplement to any parents' library, and since they are priced fairly reasonably from $10.95 - $24.95, many families could probably afford to choose some favorites to purchase and to enjoy again and again.

Some of my fellow Crew members also received books from this company. If you want to see their reviews, you can do so here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

faking it

2010-09-20T16:56:00.000-05:00

That got your attention, didn't it?
What might I be faking?
It is nothing scandalous.
No, nothing of the sort.
Want to know what I am faking?
I am faking being busy so that no one will talk to me. I am trying to buy 5 minutes of quiet.
So far, these past 30 seconds have been a complete failure.
Do your kids talk to you non-stop? Mine do. And I love their chatter. But at this time of day, which is now 4:39 p.m., I have used up all of my listening skills, my patience, and my words. I actually enjoy sitting here (I am getting a brief reprieve) and not feeling my tongue moving in my mouth. That is weird, isn't it? But true, oh so true.
I just don't have any more creative ideas, empathic responses, or attentive listening left in me. I am done. Finished.

I just had to referee an argument. Jack wants to play with Amélie's Barbies. Amélie doesn't want him to. He technically isn't playing with her Barbies. He is actually playing with his Spiderman in her Barbie house. Same difference. "He's going to make a MESS of my room!!!!! He RUINS things! He LOSES things! This is HORRIBLE!!!" Insert appropriately dramatic hand gestures and vocal inflections.

I am done with drama for the day.

Actually, I have more to say than to whine and complain. :) I really do.
It is now September 20th, and I never announced what my September project would be in my Year of Mindfulness. I didn't announce it because it quickly became an epic FAIL and I decided to hold off a month. This month's mindfulness project was supposed to be mindful eating.
I am HORRIBLE at eating mindfully.
I eat too fast, b/c I never know when I am going to be interrupted or called up on to intervene in a catastrophe of epic proportions.
I often have no clue what I am eating, because sometimes I commit the cardinal rule of eating at the table and reading and only pretending to listen to the conversation floating around me or the food I am inserting into my mouth.
I often eat when I am stressed, because eating spoonfuls of peanut butter, tablespoonfuls of Nutella, or chunks of sharp cheddar cheese is a quicker fix than closing my eyes and taking deep breaths.
I often eat when I am tired, because I think it is going to give me energy, and while eating for energy is true on a certain level, eating more will not compensate for the lack of energy I feel from lack of sleep.
And sometimes, I don't pay attention to what I am eating because I am living in my own little world in my own little head, and what is going on in the "real" world, including the motion of fork to mouth, is automatic rather than intentional.
So, October will be my month of Mindful Eating. If you would like to join me on my quest, both for encouragement and to stay accountable, please let me know! The more the merrier.
I'm just thinking that it's a good thing Halloween is at the END of the month and not the beginning. :)

I think I got about two minutes of quiet in there. That's a start.

PyraMath Review

2010-09-15T17:02:00.001-05:00

Until this year, my daughter has not been a huge fan of math. When she was in public school she was bombarded with worksheet...after worksheet...after worksheet, and she hated it. When I flipped through her papers at night and saw worksheet...after worksheet...after worksheet, I wasn’t too thrilled either. Last year we tried a math program that we liked just fine, but then this year we had the opportunity of exploring math with a very talented, very creative teacher who meets with Amélie once a week to teach her new concepts, and then I spend the rest of the week reinforcing that concept. She hasn’t done a worksheet since (although she has extensively danced, played games, drawn, worked with 10-frames and manipulatives, etc.).

When I received my PyraMath cards in the mail, I was excited. Amélie loves card games, and I do, too, even though I have a competitive daughter who somehow squirms her way into winning most games. According to the booklet that is included with the card game, “over 60% of all schoolchildren have ‘turned off’ to mathematics by the 4th grade.” 60%. That’s a lot of kids. Based on Amélie’s classroom experience, I firmly believe that she was quickly falling into that 60% category.

The principle behind PyraMath is that it helps kids learn their math facts...but it does so in a fun way. When we are playing with the PyraMath cards, Amélie truly forgets that we are doing “school,” and she just enjoys the time spent playing the game (and learning without realizing she is learning). :)

The PyraMath cards are very reasonably priced at $6.95 per deck, and you can purchase the cards here. The cards come with a booklet explaining how to play the game. According to the PyraMath website, http://www.iseecards.com/, “PyraMath is a one or two player game that uses math and language skills. The objective of the game is to complete a pyramid with your cards by using fundamental mathematics.” Right now, Amélie and I use addition and subtraction to complete our pyramids, but as she learns multiplication and division, we will be able to incorporate those skills into the game as well.

We love our PyraMath cards. If you have a struggling math learner...or just a kid who likes to play card games...I would most certainly recommend these cards. If you try them out, let me know what you think!

Some of my fellow Crew members have also used this program. If you want to see their reviews and see how the cards worked for them, you can do so here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

a litany (as in, "a tedious repetitive series," not as in "a series of petitions for use in church services or processions")

2010-09-13T16:24:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it has been over a week since I posted last. What, exactly, is happening to my weeks, my time, my life? Wow.

Last week wasn't easy. I have this crazy drive to do everything WELL (as my mother-in-law ever-so-gently reminded me today), but while that trait seems noble and good, it definitely has its downside...like, for example, the fact that I live in a state of feeling constantly overwhelmed, out of control, and incompetent. I could go on. It's rather annoying.

Anyway, we are in our 6th week into homeschooling, and it's really going well. It really is. Amélie is learning like a little sponge, and it's such a joy to teach her (usually). She loves history and science and reading, and she is even enjoying math this year, thanks to the absence of worksheets and the introduction of math as facilitated by a wonderful and brilliant friend (who also happened to teach 2nd grade before adopting two Down Syndrome babies). However, our curriculum is very labor-intensive, and I feel like I have to do it all and do it right. I (like many homeschooling parents, I think) am so worried that Amélie is going to get behind or something. The last thing I want to do is make her stupid, you know? :) I'm pretty sure that's not happening, but just in case, I make sure we do everything. And some days.........that's just hard.

Plus, I have a little boy who feels a little left out sometimes, I think, and I don't have the time or energy for him that I think I should have.

Plus, I have a little girl who also wants me to play with her, not just teach her.

Plus, I have a husband with whom I like to spend time that involves both quality and quantity.

Plus, I'm a doula, and I love my clients and look forward to meeting with them and then assisting them in birth.

Plus, I have a house to keep halfway clean and organized.

Plus, I am reviewing homeschooling materials.

Plus, I have laundry.

Plus, I cook.

Plus, I need to exercise.

Plus, I like to write.

Plus, I like to see my friends.

Plus, if I don't get enough sleep I get cranky (this blog entry is a case in point).

Plus, I need to spend some time ALONE.

You know what I need?
I need a doula.
a life doula.

and a hug. I could use one of those today, too.

perspective

2010-09-05T16:11:00.002-05:00

Last week, I had a sinus infection. That virus invaded my body and wiped me out. I didn't feel good. I had no energy. I felt like I was moving and thinking in a mire of sludge. It wasn't fun.

I have this other virus, though, that just doesn't go away. I can't take a pill for it. I can't keep it at bay by eating plenty of fruits and vegetables and drinking plenty of water. It's an ugly virus. It's a chronic one. It sucks the life right out of me.

It goes by several different names: discontent, jealously, envy, and a myriad of other synonyms and symptoms.

Some days, I wish I had a different house, a bigger one with a large backyard, a jacuzzi tub big enough to fit the whole family, and enough space that all of us could have a room of our own.

Some days, I wish I had a nicer car, one that wasn't beige and normally driven by people twice my age.

Some days, I wish I could go to the grocery store without calculating the items I am putting in my cart against the reality of our budget. And I wish I could buy every book I wanted. And I wish I could update my wardrobe and my house and.........................

Some days, I wish I had a sexier job. I love my jobs as mom, homeschool teacher, and doula, but there's nothing particularly sexy about changing a diaper, giving a spelling test, or being regularly splashed with amniotic fluid (although, oddly, I don't really mind any of those things too much, now that I really think about it).

Some days (actually, every day), I wish I were sexier. Thankfully, I have a husband who has the polar opposite version of the body dysmorphic disorder that I have, and he actually likes how I look. I, on the other hand, spend a lot of time cringing at my body and wishing it were a whole lot different.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But then there are days like today, when all of those discontents seem so minor.

This afternoon, I was sitting on the floor reading the newspaper when someone rang our doorbell. I tend to panic when the doorbell rings (partly due to the fact that my house never lives up to the immaculate standards I set in my mind, and partly due to the fact that I am an introvert who loves people coming over but who still, for whatever reason, abhors the doorbell). Thankfully, Matt has no such odd aversion and quickly answered the door. A man was at the door with his daughter. The kids and Matt had met this family a couple of weeks ago when they were out bike-riding. They are new to the neighborhood. They are living with the girl's grandma right now. Apparently they came home one day, and their landlord had changed the locks and thrown every last one of their belongings out onto their lawn. S asked Amélie if she could play. Immediately, I panicked a little. I don't really know this family. Was I going to let my daughter walk down the street and into the house of a family whom I had never met? What was I going to do? I didn't have to worry or think about this situation long, however, because by the time I got to the door the dad was gone. S was to play at our house with Amélie.

Oh! What a relief, really.

She's a sweet little girl. She is eight. While making her and Amélie a snack I checked on her food allergy situation (you never know these days--I didn't want to kill the poor child), and she informed me that the only thing she is allergic to is pie. It makes her throw up, apparently. Good to know. She also has four brothers and three sisters. I am not sure how many of them are living in that little house on the corner with her grandma. I do know that one of those brothers is allergic to shellfish. His tongue swells up, and the allergy could kill him.  Another of her older brothers punched her in the mouth one time and knocked out eight of her teeth. Those teeth are coming back in now, so it must have been awhile ago. That older brother is ten now. As soon as they get money from their landlord for treating them so badly they are going to be "crazy rich." Her eyes lit up when she told me that.

The things you find out just by asking. And listening.

Here's the point of this story, the point that still, as I sit here and type this, makes me cry.

Amelie sneaked out of her bedroom later and whispered to Matt and me,

"I would like to have S over for a sleepover sometime. She has to sleep on her bathroom floor."

Her bathroom floor.

Really?

How heart-breaking. I just want to go hug her. I just want to ask her to move in.

Later, Amélie followed me into the bathroom and told me that she thinks we should buy her some clothes and toys, because she doesn't have very many.

Suddenly, I saw things differently. Suddenly, I saw all that I have. I have enough. I have too much. I have enough to give. And keep giving.

Some things are more important than granite countertops and trendy cars and sexy jobs and tight bodies.

My soul needs some work, apparently.
My soul needs people like S to remind me to love.
   and to give.
          and to be content.
                 and to love and to give some more.

Jesus appeared to me today. She had on pink shorts, a pink t-shirt, and had the cutest lisp.

Thanks, S.
Thanks for reminding me what's important, what's essential, what's eternal.

sick 'n tired of being sick 'n tired

2010-08-31T22:18:00.000-05:00

i have nothing profound to say tonight.
except that i'm sick 'n tired of being sick 'n tired.
ugh.

i think i am getting over this mess. i had no idea that a sinus infection could just knock a person out cold. the frustrating thing is that i have been sick since wednesday. wednesday. it is now tuesday night. i didn't start really believing i was sick until monday. monday. do you have any idea how upset i am at myself? why can't i listen to myself? why can't i listen to my body? why can't i trust my body when it says, "jill, if walking up your stairs is an effort, and if you wake up in the morning and your eyes are glued shut, if your head feels like it's going to explode, and if you feel like you are walking through a pit of sludge, something is wrong. lie down. be quiet. cancel your appointments. rest." why didn't i listen to myself? that's the frustrating thing. i don't like being sick, of course--but the thing i really hate is that i didn't listen to myself. i thought i was doing better with that.
apparently not.

it is now 10:13 p.m. that little voice in my head is now yelling quite loudly, "GO TO BED!!!"

i think i might listen to her tonight. she seems to know what she is talking about.

good night, friends, and stay tuned for a post on how the month of journaling went...and what next month's mindfulness project will be.

2010-08-31T21:56:00.007-05:00

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Only 5000 of these special subscriptions are available from August 31 through midnight on September 15.

Once the 5000 are gone, they're gone!

Hurry here to grab this crazy price today!

Blog Walk

2010-08-31T16:53:00.000-05:00

Here's a new week of TOS Homeschool Crew blog walkin'....

1. Creative Learners
2. The Homeschool Desk
3. Ramblin' Roads
4. The Stewards Steno
5. Mama Manuscripts
6. Train Up a Child
7. We Love to Homeschool
8. Day by Day in Our World
9. Acorns - or Homeschooling Nuggets of Gold
10. The Berry Patch

TOS Homeschool Crew Review--Peterson-Directed Handwriting

2010-08-30T19:51:00.004-05:00

Amélie has been begging me to learn cursive since we pulled her out of public school last January. When she learned how to write her name in cursive she was so incredibly proud of herself that she showed everyone--and I mean everyone!--how she could write her name. We pulled back from her previous handwriting program to give Peterson Directed Handwriting a try, and we both certainly learned some valuable knowledge about cursive writing along the way.

Peterson Directed Handwriting is a unique handwriting program whose motto is "The difference is rhythm!" Instead of sitting right down with a pencil and paper, this program focuses on the entire process of writing and utilizes finger-tracing rather than pencil-tracing in order to imprint the letters in the student's muscle memory. There are four steps in this process:

Demonstrate First--Illustrate and Describe
This foundational step helps the student learn how to make the strokes. To make this step even more helpful, Peterson offers animated letter cards.
Make the Voice-to-Movement Connection--Air Writing
By connecting a word or phrase with the correct letter movement, the child is better able to remember how to make the letter. The animated letter cards are also useful in this step.
Help the Child Do the Finger-Tracing
This is a critical step which helps the child connect his brain skills with his motor skills. I was a little leery of the idea of completely abandoning pencil-tracing and only doing finger-tracing, but this presentation helped me better understand the science behind the concept.
Write and Say
After steps 1-3 are mastered, the student is finally ready to put lead to paper as she vocalizes the strokes and forms the letters.

There are definitely several things I like about this program. Even though the website is a bit confusing, the customer service is exceptional, and any questions a customer may have are answered thoroughly and courteously. I also really like it that customers can view the product before deciding to purchase it. You can go here to check out the different handwriting levels and decide which one would be the right fit for you. Then, if you decide you want to use the program you can go here to buy! Each workbook is reasonably priced at $19.95.

I also really like the way that the program is research-based. Many handwriting programs provide colorful worksheets and "look" like they will be useful in teaching children how to write, but Peterson explains the science behind their method and offers plenty of convincing evidence to back it up. You can go here to check out some of that evidence. I know I was impressed!

Although the perks to this program are many, I had several concerns when using this product. As a busy homeschooling mom, I want to be able to open a book, clearly see what the lesson is going to be for the day/week, and then jump right in. It took me a long time of flipping pages back and forth and a good deal of trial and error and confusion before I started to figure out how we were going to pursue this handwriting method.

I also have a hard time with the concept of e-books for textbooks. I printed everything off, and then I had to 3-hole-punch the pages and put them in notebooks. I prefer to have all of that done for me ahead of time. ;) However, one advantage to the product being downloadable is that you can buy it and then instantly begin using the program. You can also print off additional sheets for extra practice, and since the book is non-consumable, you can easily use this product with additional children, thus saving you a considerable sum of money.

I think the main difficulty we had with this program, though, is that Amélie had already begun learning her letters with a different handwriting curriculum, and taking a break from her usual program to try to teach her both a new way to learn her letters and a different cursive style was frustrating for her. I think that Peterson Handwriting would work best for those families who are just starting to teach their students print and/or cursive.

While the Peterson Handwriting Program may not be the best fit for us, I was impressed with the product and would definitely recommend that other homeschooling parents consider this company for their handwriting curriculum.

Some of my fellow Crew members have also used this program. If you want to see their reviews and see how the program worked for them, you can do so here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

a mixed-up post on dying and living and buying hamburgers for hungry people

2010-08-26T21:33:00.002-05:00

This has been a...................week.

Last Friday, my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and two of my nieces were in a wreck. An icky wreck. A scary wreck. A wreck that involved broken bones and concussions and a life flight helicopter ride to Wesley Hospital in Wichita. We are ever-so-thankful that, though they are battered and bruised (both physically and emotionally), they are all going to be OK.

The thing is--I love my family, and I would like to have them around me for a long, long time.

It seems like death and near-death have been hovering over us a bit too closely lately. A couple of weeks ago my aunt died, and while I hadn't seen her in several years, she was my grandma's older sister, and she looked a little too much like my grandma lying there in that casket.

I can't even go to that place..........
I love my grandparents so much. They can't ever die.
Ever.
So there.

And then that same week I had two friends whose grandmothers passed away.

And another friend lost her mom.

And then the scary wreck was last week.

And then two days ago two of my grandparents' best friends died in a car crash.

I don't like to be reminded of death. Sometimes Jack freaks me out when he talks about death. Here's a conversation we had yesterday (when, it should be noted, I was smitten with a sinus headache, was lying on the couch with a blanket over my head, and there is a small chance I could have muttered that I thought I was dying. I can't exactly remember):

Jack: Mama, are you died?
Me: No.
Jack: Are you dying Mama?
Me (this is when I start to worry that he has some sort of 6th sense about things): No.
Jack: Is Daddy dying you, Mama?
Me: No (although, now that I think about it, was there a bit of a medicinal taste in my blueberry smoothie? Did my coffee wash down with a bitter aftertaste? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure Matt doesn't want to kill me).
Jack: Am I dying, Mama?
Me: No.

Then, he went over to a toy of his sister's, promptly ruined it, and the words that (I kid you not) came out of my mouth were, "Your sister is going to kill you."

Oops.

Inside I was cringing. And laughing a tiny bit. And perhaps crying a bit, too.

Dying scares me. I know I'm not supposed to be afraid of death. On a technical, theological level, I'm not. But in real life, I'm scared to death....of death. I don't want to die, and I don't want anyone else I love to die either. I get so scared sometimes that my kids or husband or other family member is going to be taken away from me, or that I am going to be taken away from them. Sometimes, I really start to obsess about this. Sometimes, I make myself nearly crazy. It doesn't help that I still have flashbacks from the day that Jack fell backwards off of our porch, which knocked him out and fractured his skull. As he lay on the ground staring blankly up at the sky, I thought he was dead. And as I sit here writing this, I still start to cry. I will never, ever get over that moment. And I will forever follow him around with outstretched arms to catch him...just in case he falls again. But always, in the back of my fearful mind, I know that my arms may not be there to catch him the next time he falls. Or the next time Amelie hangs upside down on the monkey bars. Or the next time Matt drives his motorcycle. Or the next time I strap my kids in and merge onto the highway.

I used to not care so much. It used to be that eros and thanatos, the death instinct and the life instinct, kind of fought for dominance inside of me. I remember weighing 95 lbs, struggling with an eating disorder, and having my therapist ask me rather incredulously, "You do know you are killing yourself, don't you?" Well yes, in fact, I did know that. And somehow I didn't care. And then there were some really difficult grad school days, and there was a hospital stay, and it was at that time that that scrappy life instinct, eros, start fighting a little bit harder than that destructive instinct, thanatos.

And today I hang onto that life instinct for dear life. I don't want to let it go. Sometimes I want to lock my family into a giant bubble where I can keep an eye on them with 24-hour surveillance. I would feed them only the best, purest foods. I would train them in self-defense. If they left the bubble I would outfit them in protective gear worthy of a riot, a flood, a war, and any other natural or man-made disaster.

I should probably stop now, huh? ;)

I am going to end with something happy and positive and worthy of whipped cream and sprinkles: Matt just went out to buy me some sinus medicine, and when he came back he said, "Honey, I'm home! But I'm kind of late. I sort of met a guy." I stopped typing, looked up at him, and waited for the story. I wasn't surprised, really. He's always "meeting a guy." So he had met this guy. His house had been broken into. He had no food. He wanted cash. Matt had none. So he took him out and bought a meal for him, his wife, and his daughter, with enough leftover for his daughter to take to school tomorrow. There are those of you who think that this guy just asked Matt for money because he wanted money for cigarettes or beer. And you know what? You could be right. But Jesus, talking about dividing up his true followers from the false ones, said, "I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was naked, and you clothed me." He didn't say, "I was hungry, but you made sure you checked my tax form before you fed me. I was thirsty, but you made sure I didn't have beer-breath first. I was naked, but you checked first to see how long I had been living on a government stipend."
Tonight, I'm going to hang onto this story. This example of the life-instinct, this example of love for a fellow human being, which, when it comes down to it, is all that really matters anyway.

Online Schoolhouse Expo!

2010-08-18T16:46:00.001-05:00

It's back to homeschool time and registration is open for the online Schoolhouse Expo, October 4-8. It's five days of top homeschool speakers, fellowship, and fun door prizes.

Save $5 per ticket! Register between August 16 and midnight August 22, and you'll pay only $19.99. Plus you'll receive over $200 in free E-Books.

You'll be inspired by speakers including: Zan Tyler, Dr. Jay Wile, Jeannie Fulbright,Carol Barnier, Diana Waring, Todd Wilson, Davis Carman, Kim Kautzer, Lee Binz, and many more!

A special teen track is planned--the entire family will definitely want to listen to these special sessions. We've also planned a special focus on a topic that touches every homeschool--writing. Plus, an array of other topics that will inform and inspire you throughout your homeschooling years.

Don't forget, MP3 copies of each session comes with your LIVE event ticket.
Two special preconference shows on August 24 and September 21 with Dr. Jay Wile, Jeannie Fulbright, and Kim Kautzer!

Register starting 12:01 a.m. on Monday, August 16.

The theme this fall is "Celebrate Homeschooling!" We're going to celebrate the unique blessings of homeschooling, the beginning of another school year, our families, and the freedom to tailor our children's education to best meet their needs.

If you cannot make the Live event, then the October Expo To Go is just your ticket! You'll reserve MP3s from all of the workshops. This week only, pay just $14.95!

You can click here for more information!

Disclaimer: I am receiving free Expo-to-Go tickets in exchange for this post.

The 2010 Schoolhouse Planner

2010-08-17T22:40:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make.

As many of you know, I am reviewing homeschooling materials for The Old Schoolhouse. A few days ago there was a post on the TOS message boards asking for a little help selling their Schoolhouse Planners.

I was intrigued (I am, after all, a sucker for anything smacking of an organizational tool), but I brushed the thought aside. I was trying to sprint towards the end of our first homeschooling week, and I was r...u...n...n...i...n...g...o...u...t...o...f...s...t...e...a...m...................
I was tired. Just the thought of hitting the download button was just about more than I could take. And, as you know, I'm not exactly living the life of serenity and organization right now (remember, my dining room table is currently in my living room and my refrigerator is hanging out in my dining room). Of course, what this means is that I probably need the planner, right? Yes, well, I wasn't exactly thinking logically at the moment.

Then the weekend happened. We painted the kitchen. It was Sunday evening. I was basking in the glow of my vintage yellow kitchen walls and thinking that, perhaps, all was right with the world. I spent a little time curled up in my favorite chair perusing some of the blogs on the blogwalk. And then it happened. I read some of the posts about this planner from my fellow reviewers, and I thought, "OH NO! WHAT HAVE I DONE?????" I had let a wonderful opportunity slip through my fingers. The deadline had passed. I had missed my chance. Period. Then, yesterday morning Heidi sent out another message announcing that she had extended the deadline. This, my friends, is unheard of. This, my friends, was a providential message that I should email her that very second and ask if I could download the planner, bury myself in its pages, and then write an advertisement for the planner by Wednesday morning. She complied.
And here I am.

Last night, I printed the planner. I sat in front of my printer like a small child waiting for her gift from Santa. Last week, I was convinced that the label-maker would change my life. Now I know better. It's The 2010 Schoolhouse Planner that will change my life.

Seriously.

At first, I was intimidated by its bulk--all 614 pages of it. But once I read and skimmed and flipped through pages, I realized that it was 614 pages of pure organizational bliss.

I can organize my school days.............

I can organize my life....................

And you know what?
You can organize your school days (and your life!) too!

Should you decide to make the (very wise) leap into buying this planner for

you will gain access to monthly articles specifically tailored to homeschooling families, including such titles as "Top Five Tips for Managing Your Homeschool While Managing Your Home," "Brain Power: Food for Better Thought," and "The Heart and Soul of Creative Writing."

You will also find a plethora of educational information, curriculum forms, and planning sheets.

Do you need help setting goals for your homeschooling year?

This planner is for you.

Do you need help creating your homeschooling plans?

This planner is for you.

Do you need help creating a schedule for you and your children?

This planner is for you.

Do you need help keeping track of library books, home repair projects, menu plans, and the phone number of your favorite plumber?

This planner is for you.

And, because this planner is for you, you should head on over to the TOS store right this very second and choose either the downloadable ebook for $39.00 or the Schoolhouse Planner on CD for $44.00.

Disclaimer: I am an independent contractor for TOS, and I have used the product represented in my post in order to write this advertisement.

diScoMBoBulATed

2010-08-14T22:26:00.000-05:00

diScoMBoBulATed

That's how I feel!

Argh.

I have this deep need for order, yet I struggle with keeping things orderly. I owe people emails. I am reading WAY too many books at once. I need to organize my doula materials. I need to better organize my homeschooling materials. I need to get rid of stuff. I need to make a clean sweep of clutter. I need to get this crazy kitchen finished so that I can move my dining room table out of my living room and my refrigerator out of my dining room.
Last night a friend and I were chatting over Facebook, and we had the most hilarious conversation. We were both laughing so hard--she in Alabama and me in Kansas--that we had tears. She was extolling the wonders of sheet protectors and dry erase markers. I announced that we had bought a label-maker and that it was going to change my life. We both admitted that we had a horrible weakness for organizational products. Then we both realized that if anyone ever secretly logged into our facebook accounts and read through that chat they would think we were absolutely CRAZY. But that's OK. Crazy's good (in orderly sort of proportions). :)

We did pick out paint for the kitchen today, which was an event of astronomical proportions. I really wanted a red kitchen. Our kitchen in Wichita was red, but it was much bigge,r and our cabinets were white. We now have mahogany cabinets and black granite counter tops. Red just didn't work. So after making a trip to Lowe's and returning with 4 cans of paint (we had a purple, two orange-ish colors, and yellow), we decided on Vintage Yellow. Now we just need to actually paint! And then put in a backsplash. And then put in a new floor.
It's going to come together. It's all going to work out. And then I'm going to have a beautiful kitchen.
Right? Right? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight???????

Of course that will happen. Silly, melancholy me.

My last real post was about August being the month of journaling in my mindfulness project. I am happy to report that I have journaled and/or done morning pages every day this month so far except one (and I have yet to journal today--does blogging count?). I wanted to keep up better with my blog and write about journaling, but that sort of seemed...redundant in a way. Plus, I'm spending a lot of time writing--I haven't had time to actually blog!

It's interesting, b/c while this journaling practice has been good for me, and while I am enjoying it, I notice that my previous journal entries, even though they were written once a week or so, were really much deeper and more profound before I started this project. Honestly, I don't think it has anything to do with the project. I think it's my kitchen's fault. A proverb I have invented for this month is, "he (or she) who does not have a fully functioning kitchen does not have the fluid, creative brain-space needed for meaningful journal entries." Or meaningful blog entries either, it seems.
It's driving me crazy, though.
I feel a bit like my brain has turned mucky.
It's making me a wee bit cranky.
So if you want to come over to see my discombobulated kitchen (and observe it as a metaphor of my discombobulated life), you might want to call first.

Blog Walk--Catchin' Up

2010-08-12T17:10:00.000-05:00

I am so behind.
In everything.
Oh, wait. I've already used that beginning line.
A "real" blog entry is percolating. In the meantime...here's the blog walk from two weeks ago.....

1. Closing Time
2. One Blessed Mamma
3. El Cloud Homeschool: Busy Minds, Busy Hands, Busy Feet
4. Alive in Spirit
5. Ozark Rumblings
6. Army of 5
7. Fenced In Family
8. Debbie's Digest
9. Footprints in the Butter
10. Got Chai?

and this week's..........

1. Ramblings from the Crazy House
2. Chicagoland Homeschool Network
3. Marine Corps Nomads
4. Faith, Family and Fun
5. Books and Bairns
6. Chatter, Clatter and Things That Matter
7. Canadianladybug Reviews!
8. Life at oak Grove
9. Home Sweet Home(school)
10. a glimpse of our life

The Mindfulness Project Month 1: Journaling

2010-08-01T22:34:00.001-05:00

I am so behind. In my blogging. In my life. Everything.

However, today is August 1, and I am starting my first month of The Mindfulness Project. This month's task is to journal every day. I have become much more consistent at journaling lately, but I would like to really make it a habit. I am very much looking forward to allowing my journaling to become a priority and not letting it get stuck at the bottom of my to-do list.

I am supplementing my jouraling by reading The Artist's Way. That is a book that is going to take me much longer than a month to complete, but I am also very excited to go through this book. I tried going through the process of the book once before, but I couldn't do it perfectly, so I quit. A couple of weeks ago, someone suggested to me that I go through The Artist's Way, but that I not do it perfectly. What a novel idea! I think I might be able to do that!

I would write more, but I have not yet journaled today, so Matt and I are going to sit on the porch with a beverage and our journals. Sounds lovely, no?

blog backgrounds

2010-07-24T23:24:00.000-05:00

recently, i discovered the world that is "blog backgrounds."
this has been a dangerous discovery.
i was pretty happy with my happy little bird on my background, but then tonight i looked at my blog and the pretty little bird was gone.
in its place was something very plain. i don't even remember the color. pink, i think.

and this would not do, because if i remember correctly, it wasn't even a pretty pink. it was an anemic pink. and who wants an anemic pink background for their blog?

not i.

so, i went to the cutest blog on the block website, where i was completely overwhelmed (even though this is where i got my last blog background), and then i did a little blog background googling. and i discovered shabby blogs. i think i tried nearly all of their backgrounds on my blog. but i was so picky!
one was too perky.
another too dark.
some of them i wanted to like because of the titles (french linen, sleeping porch, poet and painter, daydream believer). some of them i thought i would like until i actually put them on my blog, and then i hated them. i ended up choosing fairy forest, which was actually the first background i tried. i don't even know if it is my favorite background. but i had to STOP. because i was getting obsessive. and fretful. and suddenly the process because arduous rather than fun.
i wonder how many times i changed my background tonight.
30?
at least?

i wonder if the process of choosing a blog background actually deserves an entire blog entry all to itself.
probably not.
but tonight...
it's all i've got.

oh. one more thing. tomorrow, at revolution, i am supposed to bring a symbol of something beautiful that i've seen, because we are finishing up the renditions series with a conversation about beauty and justice (i just totally stole that wording from the revolution fb page. is that copyright infringement?). i am not even at home to pick something out, because my home is very un-beautiful right now as matt is, probably right this second, ripping up my kitchen (while i engage in inane activities like blog background hunting). what should i bring? i might take in my new journal. it is still wrapped up in its crinkly barnes and noble bag, but every once in awhile i peek in the bag. i can't actually write in it until i finish the one i have (which is very close to being complete). i do think my new journal beautiful. Here's what it looks like.

what do you think?

actually, here's what i would really like to know: if i were to ask you to show me a symbol of something beautiful that you have seen, what would you show me?

TOS Review -- Travel Kits

2010-07-22T00:10:00.004-05:00

For my first "official" homeschool product review I chose to read the e-book Travel Kits: A Simple Way to Bless Others by Donna Rees, which is available for $12.45 from the TOS Store. When I excitedly told Amélie that we were going to be using our first homeschool product for the year, she gave me a wry, not altogether happy look. School??? It is summer vacation! I can't say that she was exactly thrilled. However, when I explained that the premise of this book was to help come up with ideas for fun activities to do in the car, my often-antsy daughter decided that, perhaps, using this book wasn't going to be so bad after all!

Unfortunately, I didn't get this book before we went to Omaha earlier this summer. Fortunately, however, we do spend a lot of time in the car. We go to visit my grandparents every week, and even though the drive is just 40 minutes long, sometimes those 40 minutes are l.o.n.g.--especially when I have two whiny kids in the backseat! Once I started reading this book, I knew that my days of listening to backseat whining were, thankfully, numbered!

Travel Kits offers its readers a clearly-written, interesting, and extremely practical peek into how to entertain everyone from kids to adults on trips across the country or across the town. I am the type of person who excitedly jumps on board for some creative idea to do with my kids, and sometimes I even make it through the planning stage, but I often get bogged down in the creative idea's execution. Rees explains the process of creating a travel kit so cleverly and clearly that I sailed through the planning, preparing, and executing stages almost effortlessly!

First, Rees helps her reader think of creative, fun ideas for kids (and adults!) to include in the Travel Kit. She recommends several types of stores to visit to find fun items like hats, card games, gag glasses, and even shoestrings! I went to the dollar section at Target one evening and filled my cart with inexpensive, yet fun and creative items. On our weekly trek to my grandparents' house today, Amélie opened up a dry erase board, and Jack opened a little package of tiny plastic police officers and firefighters. After an initial fit from Jack (for some reason he thought there would be a superhero in the package??), both kids quietly played with their new toys the whole time. I was impressed!

Rees also suggests picking a hobby your child might be interested in, like performing magic tricks or knitting, and checking out an instructional book from the library to accompany a package of supplies. I think that for our next long trip I am going to provide Amélie with a book on origami and a stack of origami paper. We may only get paper airplanes whizzing through the car rather than origami cranes, but she will at least have fun trying it out!

Travel Kits also does a great job of explaining when and how to present the gifts to be included in the kit. The entertainment value of a gift can be stretched out even before it is given if you announce that the next gift can be opened once a chapter in a book is finished or a speed limit sign is spotted. Rees suggests some creative ideas on how to wrap the gifts for the travel kit and offers some fantastic suggestions on how to pack up the travel kit itself. I think that I am going to have a backpack for each child ready to go before we head out on a journey. I plan on keeping a stash of wrapped gifts and then pulling out an appropriate number of gifts to give them based on the length of the car trip.

Rees also provides links and names of multiple resources for families to refer to when creating their own travel kits. She includes links to printable games, maps, and puzzles, and she even added a page with links for the official tourism websites for each state! I plan on utilizing this resource next time we travel to a different state, or even as we travel within our own!

As I mentioned on my tryout review, I am not a huge fan of e-books (although, I must confess, I just bought a Kindle due to my sister-in-law's very bad influence), but if I would just take the pages shuffled loosely and dangerously in the file folder they are now in and punch holes in them to go in a binder, I think I would feel better about Travel Kit's status as an e-book. Other than the fact that this book is electronic rather than printed, I loved all of this book's creative and practical ideas. I am definitely going to keep this book nearby to refer to before we go out on a short trip or a long journey.

Bon Voyage!

If you want to read more reviews of this product written by other Crew members, just click here.

Disclaimer: I was given this product free of charge for review purposes. All views expressed are my my own, and I received no other compensation.

Blog Walk Week 6

2010-07-20T17:54:00.001-05:00

Here is this week's TOS Blogwalk.... Stop by and say hello!

1. Deanna’s Corner
2. Light, Liberty, and Learning
3. Bunny Trails
4. Flowers N Plaid Homeschool
5. Gadow Ohana
6. His Wonderful Works
7. Expand
8. Confessions of a Homeschooler
9. The Sojourner
10. A Full Heart

a meditation on the compost in my backyard and the one in my soul

2010-07-19T21:28:00.001-05:00

This is a slightly modified version of an essay I read at Revolution on Sunday....

I am slightly obsessed with my compost. A few moments ago, I trekked out in the steamy heat to the Darth Vader-looking compost bin beside my house, and I dumped in a fresh bucket of rotting food. Sometimes the discarded food looks almost pretty. Some days I have bright green watermelon rinds, purple-stained onion peel, or bits of green and red strawberry hulls. Today, though, the food I dumped wasn’t really that pretty at all. There were brown egg shells, white cauliflower stems, some slimy peach pits, and a few yellow, wilting parsley leaves. As I stood over the bin and emptied my bucket, a sour smell arose from the bin’s acrid depths, and gnats and flies, disturbed from feeding on the rotting carnage, buzzed in annoyance around my head.

I suppose I can’t say that my experience of dumping compost was particularly pleasant, but it was immensely satisfying, and it was also comforting, for reasons I didn’t fully understand until a few weeks ago when I spent a little time meditating on my compost obsession.

Compost, as I am sure you all know, is rotting organic matter. It’s the stuff that is discarded, ugly, smelly, moldy, decomposing. We may serve compote to guests, but we certainly don’t serve them compost, even if we could grace it with wilting parsley. Most of us stuff our compostable food down the garbage disposal or scrape it off of our plates and into the trash. Some of us, though, are slightly obsessed with out compostable food, perhaps because we feel some affinity to it.

Compost is, to me, a bit of a miracle. The bacteria present in the rotting flesh of a bruised strawberry can nourish next year’s strawberry patch. The vitamins in those discarded green edamame pods will break down into rich, black dirt that will make next year’s tomatoes that much sweeter. I know this, which is why, every couple of days year-round, I lug out wilted spring greens, bright watermelon rinds, orange pumpkin shells, and the leafy tops of winter root vegetables. And then, in the Spring, I watch as Matt tills the compost into our garden.

It’s amazing, really. Our trash becomes a treasure. This year, with the rotten food we have tilled beneath the ground’s warm surface, we our nourishing watermelon, cantaloupe, sugar snap peas, peppers, tomatoes, basil, lettuce, beets, beans, sweet potatoes, eggplant, and onion.

This is life. Extracted from death.

I feel such affinity with my compost because my soul is just like that compost. It is life. Extracted from death.

The compost bin of my soul is even more unsightly than the Darth Vader version we have in our back yard. It’s ghoulish, really. Monstrous. There is so much that is rotten that I have tossed into that my soul’s compost bin.

Honestly, I don’t want to tell you what is there. If I tell you, you might not want to visit my garden. You might assume that the garden of my soul is as wretched and putrid as that very same soul’s compost bin.

But if I don’t tell you, then you won’t truly understand the miracle that is compost. You won’t understand how something so rotten can become so beautiful.

Let’s open the lid and poke around a little.

Almost daily I toss in some insecurity and impatience and snarkiness. Sometimes I dump in a lie or a handful of pride or a sprinkling of gossip. There’s some big stuff in there, too, that is going to take awhile to break down. There’s the mold of perfectionism I continuously try to press myself into. Many days I wonder if that one will ever really break down into rich soil. There is also a large pile of ugly things I have said and ugly things that have been said to me. Then there are some things too painful to talk about here, really. If you dig deep enough you will find more grief and shame than I really care to sift through.

It’s ugly in there.

But here’s the thing: I can take that putrid mess, and I can dump it in my trash, where it will then go compost in a landfill, but it will not nourish anything but the trash around it.

Or, I can take that compost in all of its rottenness and ugliness and stench, and I can work it back into the soil of my soul, where it can nourish my soul and become something beautiful. I choose to believe that God, as the gardener of my soul, will help me till the soil and tenderly nourish the fruit that is all the sweeter for the garbage that has mixed with the sun and the rain.

Today, I invite you to visit my garden. Feel free to poke around in my compost, but also please enjoy the ripe offering I hand you, the sweet fruit nourished not only by the sun and the rain, but also by the tears, the sadness, and the shame. And when you go home, take care of your own rotting compost. Work it into your soul and into the souls of the community surrounding you, and know that you and God can turn all that is bruised, rotting, and ugly into something truly beautiful.

the mindfulness project

2010-07-13T21:31:00.003-05:00

In church on Sunday Matt outed me (although I don't know that anyone noticed). I am starting a mindfulness project. I am horrible at being mindful. Ask my kids how many times a week (OK, a day) I lose my keys. Ask my husband how many cups of coffee I misplace. Ask me where my head is at any given minute...and chances are I don't know.
It drives me crazy. There's a good chance it drives my kids crazy. Matt is very kind, but deep down I know that some days he would like to strangle me with my key chain (metaphorically, of course).

I know everyone is doing a project. There is Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. There is A. J. Jacob's The Guinea Pig Diaries and The Year of Living Biblically. Then there is Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. And, of course, there's the book that started my project-reading craze, Julie and Julia. Then there are zillions of little people like me starting their own little projects.

So, what I am saying is that the last thing this world needs is yet another year-long project. And I am aware of the fact that I am perhaps a bit cliché for doing this. But I'm doing this for me, and if my idea is tired and old and cliché, so be it. I'm not even entirely convinced I'm going to blog about it. This little project may best be kept under wraps and in between the pages of my journal. I haven't decided yet. But I have decided, at least, to introduce you to my project, and if you have any ideas or thoughts, please feel free to offer them.

Here's the plan: I am going to take on a bit of mindfulness each month and then I am going to research it, live it, and write about it. Here are my ideas so far (in no particular order):

Journaling (I do think this will be my first month's project. I already journal, but I would like to be more consistent, and I think I might do better with mindfulness if I sort of reintroduced myself to myself.)
Eating (I would like to learn to savor my food rather than snarf it.)
Relationships (i.e., being totally present with the people I am with and not writing a blog entry while listening to Matt talk about his day. Not that I am doing that this very second. Nope. Not me.)
Keys/Putting Things Away (this should gift me with at least 30 extra minutes a day).
Prayer (I am the queen of distractibility when I am trying to pray. I can go from prayer to my to-do list in approximately 3.5 seconds.)
Yoga (Namaste.)
Meditation (Inhale...exhale...)
Nature (not sure what this one might involve--staring at trees? studying flower petals? spying on ants?)
Affirming thoughts (One day I listened to myself talk to myself, and I decided I wasn't a very good friend to myself.)

I realize that is only 9 months worth of being mindful. That's where you come in! Any other ideas? In what other areas could I focus a month being mindful?

Blog Walkin' Week 5

2010-07-11T22:16:00.000-05:00

Here is Week 5 of the TOS Blogwalk. I am too sleepy tonight to read but I am going to start checking them out tomorrow. Enjoy!

1. Buckaroo Days
2. Our Homeschool Reviews
3. Reed, Party of 6
4. Training Hearts at Home
5. Along The Way
6. I Love Science!
7. Through the Calm and Through the Storm
8. Created for Home
9. Tractors and Tire Swings
10. Guiding Light Homeschool

2010-07-09T16:08:00.001-05:00

My Daybook Entry...

Outside my window. . .I see my towering corn with ears just about ready to pick, the cheerful faces of my sunflowers, my brightly painted rain barrel, a very large and ominous-looking bug, weeds.

I am thinking. . .that I wish I were as cheerful as my sunflowers, as hardy as my corn, as carefree as my kids, as mellow as my dog.

From the learning room. . .there is silence.

I am thankful for. . .the earthy joy of my garden, the pure love of my kids, the beautiful hearts of my true friends, the rich soul of my husband.

From the kitchen. . .I am anticipating tomorrow morning's planned pesto-making.

I am wearing. . a black tank top and blue jeans.

I am creating. . .an essay to read in church next Sunday.

I am going. . .to have a busy weekend! This afternoon I need to pick up my raw milk order. Tonight is a VBS program. Tomorrow is a house-warming party. Sunday is church and then a barbecue with some of my favorite people.

I am reading. . .Anne Lamott's novel Blue Shoe.

I am hoping. . .to get the bedrooms finished this weekend.

I am hearing. . .the classical station channeled in through the baby monitor.

Around the house. . .much to do! Weeds to pull, revamped bedrooms to finish organizing, laundry, etc, etc, etc.

One of my favorite things. . .Sitting on the porch with Matt after the kids go to bed.

A few plans for the rest of the week. . .(I am now repeating myself) Finish those bedrooms! Finish my essay. Make pesto. Maybe buy a bike?

Here is a picture thought I am sharing. . .

These are last year's tomatoes, but soon--very, very soon--those 7-foot-tall tomato plants in my backyard are going to be sharing their prolific fruits with me. I.can't.wait.

blog walk and a quick life update

2010-07-06T10:10:00.001-05:00

Hello, again! I truly meant to write a "real" post this past week, but life has just been nutty! We are in the process of taking our bedrooms, turning them upside down, shaking them, and then rearranging them in different places. It has been an adventure! Actually, what has happened is that we have painted and carpeted the attic, and we are in the process of moving our bedroom up there. Then Jack is going to get our old room and Amélie will keep her room, sans Jack's toys. I'm very excited to spread out a bit. Of course, the big question is if the kids will actually sleep in those rooms. We just bought Amélie a day bed with a trundle because we have a feeling that Jack will be snuggling up next to his sister for awhile yet. The tearing apart and reorganizing is taking more time than I anticipated, but that's the way it always is, isn't it??

Here is this week's blog walk for the TOS Homeschool Crew. Enjoy!

1. King Alfred Academy
2. Confessions of An Organized Homeschool Mom
3. Curriculum Reviews from Oak Creek Farmhouse
4. I Can't Decide
5. My Life on A Taffy Pull
6. Losing My Tale
7. Made in His Image
8. Serenades and Solace
9. Our Village is a Little Different
10. SisterTipster's Tell'n It!

Blog Walk

2010-06-27T22:36:00.000-05:00

The TOS Homeschooling Crew is blog walking 10 blogs each week of those of us who are on the Crew (and this would be a good time for me to insert that I am on the Crew this year!). I just decided last week to set up a Blogger account to use instead of my old Wordpress blog, so I didn't post any of the links yet. So this week I have 30 blogs to visit! I am going to be a busy girl. Maybe you should visit some of these blogs, too! :)

1. All American Family
2. Growing Fruit
3. Learning to Teach
4. Codex Young Author's Publishing Program
5. Stairsteps Homeschool Academy
6. Kingdom Academy
7. Living Sola Gratia
8. Wynfield Christian Academy
9. The Cow Queen
10. Peace Creek on the Prairie

And then here is last week's blog walk....

1. Second Star to the Right and Straight On Till Morning
2. Surviving The Testosterone
3. Family Style School
4. School Around The Bible
5. 1628 The Story of The Goebels 5
6. Morris Family Madness
7. Homeschool Musings
8. Homeschooling (and then some!)
9. Heartfelt Homeschooling
10. Following Him home

And last, but not least, the blog walk from two weeks ago....

1. Reaping a Harvest
2. Pink & Orange Coffee
3. Live, Laugh, Learn!
4. Mrs. Mandy's Musings
5. The Fantastic Five
6. Refined Metals Academy
7. Just A Moment in Time
8. Providence Farm
9. My Journey
10. Petra School

I think I will spend a little time perusing these blogs. Jack is sleeping. Amélie is with Matt getting some iron pills (He gave blood last Friday and has had a headache ever since. He finally went to the dr today and she thought it was probably low iron. Still waiting on bloodwork results.). Of course...there are a gazillion other things to do on my to-do list. It's just that sitting here with a cup of coffee in one hand, my laptop in front of me, and silence all around me sounds very, very appealing!!

2010-06-25T22:38:00.000-05:00

I get so caught up in duty.
My things-to-do list.
The laundry.
Cooking.
Cleaning.
Weeding.
Sneaking in time to read and write.

I often push off to the side the big stuff...
Like a husband who loves me and wants me to sit on the porch with him at night with a drink and without my laptop.
Like a daughter who wants me to watch her dance and sing to this week's VBS songs.
Like a son who wants to get a laugh (and utter dismay) out of me by running up to me and shouting, "JAYHAWK!"
Like a dog who would really just like me to sit and stroke her soft fur for a minute or two.

Why can't I just be? Why can't I just take a deep breath in...and a deep breath out...and just be with the people I love so much? Why do I spend so much time calculating in my head how much time it is going to take to clean up the fort that has overtaken my living room? Why do I grudgingly tear myself away from my to-do list when Amélie wants me to play with her? Why do I tap my foot with impatience as Jack takes forever to pick out the perfect M&M after going potty? Why does my mind immediately jump to the pile of dishes in the sink when Matt asks me to sit with him on the porch and wait for the smoking, eye-patched old guy who bikes down our street every night?

I live in my head. I think. A lot. But often there is a disconnect between my head and my heart.

When Jack runs to me with his arms up, I want to bend down, scoop him up, revel in the weight of his precious body in my arms, bury my nose in his sweaty little head, and breathe.

When Amélie wants me to watch yet another performance, I want to stop what I am doing, sit, truly watch her, applaud her, and then wrap her up in a big, long hug.

When Matt wants me to come take a tour of our garden to show me what is blooming and sprouting and growing, I want to push my list aside, walk outside barefoot, and wiggle my toes in the dirt as we explore the eggplant blossoms, the pollinating corn, and the wide faces of our towering sunflowers.

That is what I want to do. That is what I want to be. Present. Engaged. Mindful. In love. Loving.

Inhale....
Exhale....
Inhale...
Exhale....

new blog!

2010-06-23T15:12:00.000-05:00

So...here is my new blog. I am going to be doing some homeschool reviews this year, and I needed my blog to be easily followable (is that a word?). I could not, for the life of me, get Google Friend Connect on my Wordpress blog, and when I visited Blogger--voila!--Google Friend Connect is already right there on the page.
I'm not sure I am entirely happy with the layout (it seems a little busy to me), but we shall give this one a go.
So here I am.
And there you are.
Follow me! :)