the books beside my bed

I came up to bed to read or journal, but once I got up here I decided I wanted to blog.  So, I trekked downstairs, lugged my laptop upstairs, and here I am, talking to my computer screen. 

I thought I would first tell you about all the books that are beside my bed, because it's comical, really.  In Jill's ideal world, the one that does not exist, she would read, read, read, read.  And then she would read some more.  Such a reality does not exist, but the lure of the library and the amazing books it contains is too strong, and therefore, a large pile of books sits beside this bed.  Want to know what I am reading (or what I would like to read)?

This list, by the way is in no particular order.  I am just going to write down what I dig up, in order of digging, not importance.

Love Wins by Rob Bell.  I read this one last week.  Lightning did not descend from heaven and fry me on the spot.  Imagine that.

Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright.  I have a sneaking suspicion this might be a life-changing book for me. 

Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology by Eric Brende.  I am supposed to be reading this book to Matt.  But when he isn't looking I read ahead.  Shhhh.  Please don't tell him.  I also don't want you to know how obsessed I am with this book.  Reeeeeeeeeeeeally obsessed.  I could write a whole blog post regarding my thoughts on this book, so maybe I should save it.  Let me just say two things:
First, we went to the Eat Local Expo last weekend and found a CSA.  There were many wonderful CSAs to choose from, but honestly, I went with the one we did because Amélie is obsessed with the Amish, and this family is "kind of Amish" (to quote the oldest daughter).  They wear bonnets, don't have electricity, and drive buggies, so I'm thinking that they are about as Amish as we can get.  Also, they have a 9-year-old daughter, and Amélie desperately wants an Amish pen pal, and I am finding that Amish penpals, in these days of technology, are hard to come by. 
Anyway, the girl that we talked to had something in her eyes I haven't seen in a long, long time: absolute peace.  She had the most beautiful eyes.  I don't even know what color they were.  I don't even know if they would be considered beautiful based on our standards of beauty.  But Matt and I both noted the absolute peace we found in their depths as we were talking to her.  Her eyes haunt me.  I wake up sometimes in the night thinking about those eyes. I want eyes like that. 
Second, last Saturday Matt tilled the compost into the ground and we planted lettuce, beets, broccoli, and peas (today he planted the tomato plants, and if it freezes sometime in the near future, I want it on the books that I said it was too early.  This is an official "I told you so."  If it doesn't freeze and the plants don't die, just pretend I didn't say anything here).  As I dug the holes and planted the seeds and smelled the dirt, I felt something I rarely ever feel on an absolute level: peace.  It was amazing.  It was beautiful.  I was so free.

New and Selected Poems: Volume One by Mary Oliver.  I adore Mary Oliver.  I discovered her poetry several years ago, and I can't quit reading her.  She strikes a harmonic chord in my soul. 

Late Wife by Claudia Emerson.  This is a small collection of poetry that is full of beautiful words, beautiful sentences, beautiful turns of phrases. 

The Echo Maker by Richard Powers.  I wanted to love this book, and I like it, but I wouldn't have given it the National Book Award.

Falling Man by Don DeLillo.  I think that DeLillo is a master at writing amazing sentences that I have to stop and read again.  and again.  and again.  I love that about him. 

Organic God: Lenten Meditations on the Words of Jesus by Kate Moorehead.  This is my 4th year going through this lovely book of Lenten meditations.  I am thankful for the wisdom I find in this book as I journey through Lent. 

Stress Less by an author whose first name I can't read because the library barcode is over his or her name.  The last name, however, is Singer, and I know for a fact that I won't read this book, but I will keep it by my bed until it is due just because I have this insane idea that I could read a book and be cured of anxiety and stress.  This is a crazy idea that I don't believe, apparently, since I already know I won't read the book.

I think there are actually some more books by my bed, but I'm thinking I probably lost you four or five books ago, so I will stop there.  And now I don't have time to write anything else, because I truly must go to bed.... 
...after I read until I can no longer keep my eyes open, of course.

TOS Review--Kinderbach

I have been considering putting Amélie in piano lessons for quite some time, and when I found out that I would be reviewing an online piano program called Kinderbach, I thought this would be a good opportunity to test her readiness and interest in taking piano.  According to their website, “Research clearly shows Piano is the best instrument with the most benefits to brain development. KinderBach is a unique method of teaching very young children to actually play piano, read notes, and learn intervals, rhythm & music patterns."

Kinderbach offers piano lessons for children ages 3-7 either online or on DVDs.  These music lessons are interspersed with teaching time, fun characters, and practice time in a way that is multi-sensory and entertaining.  If you choose the on-line option, you will have access to over 240 music lessons and can either pay $19.99 a month or $99.95 for an annual fee, or you can also get a daypass for $5.95.  Your child can watch the video lessons online, and then you can download PDF files of worksheets and coloring pages that enhance the video lessons.  You can also purchase the lessons as DVDs.  Check out this link to look at the DVD options. 

We have had access to the online version of Kinderbach for several months now.  As I mentioned previously, I wanted to try out the program to test Amélie's interest in piano, but I found that the program really does seem to be aimed a the younger set (she is right at the top of the age range), and Jack ended up enjoying the program more than she did.  Of course he, as a three-year-old, is on the young end of the age range, so while he greatly enjoyed the program, I am not sure how much he actually learned.  I wish he had been a bit older...or that Amélie had been a bit younger...and then I think that we could have experienced the full benefits of this program. 

Personally, I think that there is no substitute for the one-on-one experience of actual piano lessons.  However, if you want to try a cheaper option than piano lessons, or you want to try out piano to see if your kids are interested, I think that Kinderbach is a great option.  It's a smart, well-designed, fun program that will introduce your kids to the piano in an entertaining and educational way.  If you want to try it out to see if Kinderbach would be a good fit for your family, you can try their free on-line trial.

If you would like to read what my fellow crewmates are saying about Kinderbach, check them out here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free subscription of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

TOS Review--Big IQ Kids

I have written and then erased several introductions to Big IQ Kids, and then I decided that, perhaps, the people who do the program might describe it best.  :)  Here is what the Big IQ Kids website has to say about their fun online program:

BigIQkids.com turns your computer into an online learning academy by providing daily academic lessons for young learners in an interactive, easy to follow format. For the best results, children should log into BigIQkids.com daily and complete their lessons and quizzes. This “daily” strategy builds invaluable study habits, leads to better grades and greater self confidence.

Big IQ Kids has several subjects for your kids, including spelling, vocabulary, math, and U.S. Geography.  We especially enjoyed the spelling section.  They have preprogrammed words that you can use, but I used Amélie's current spelling words, and she absolutely loved learning her words this way.  Honestly, I have LOVED this program for spelling.  My daughter is under the perfectionistic notion that she should have her spelling words learned perfectly after the first day (I have NO IDEA where she gets that perfectionistic tendency.  Absolutely no idea.  HA!).  To have our spelling words deflected onto a computer program has been a relief for both of us.  For some reason she is less likely to argue with my laptop than she is with me.  :) 

We also liked the math program for working on concepts that we are learning.  The only problem is that we are working on two-digit addition and subtraction, and she never wanted to write the problem onto paper, so then she would get frustrated when she couldn't do it in her head.  I want her to process through the steps of these problems, so it didn't work so well.  However, she did enjoy using the math program for practicing her math facts.

We haven't spent as much time with the voabulary or the U.S. Geography portion of the program, because she seems to spend her allotted game time on spelling and math, so I'm OK with that.

One of the great perks of this program is that after completing each lesson the students gets a "coin" to play a game.  Amélie definitely like this reward program, and she will do even more spelling or math than I ask her to do so that she can play another game.  Works for me!! 

I definitely liked this program a lot, and so does Amélie.  I think that the program is great for practicing subjects that kids are learning in school.  If your kids are in regular school, this program would be a fun yet educational after-school activity.  If your kids are homeschoolers, this program would almost certainly provide a rich supplement to your curriculum. 

There are several pricing options available.  You can try out the program for free, and if you would like to discover the differences between the free and the premium programs you can do so here.  You can purchase a monthly subscription to one premium program or all of the premium programs.  You can even purchase a 12-month subscription and save a little money! 

If you would like to read what my fellow crewmates are saying about Big IQ Kids, check them out here.

Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free premium subscription of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.

my current musical obsession

"Roll Away Your Stone"
Mumford & Sons
Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we can find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside

'Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think
And yet it dominates the things I see

It seems that all my bridges have been burnt
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think
And yet it dominates the things I see

Stars hide your fires
These here are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found
With my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly empassioned soul

But you, you’ve gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

The Facebook Fast

I have been off of Facebook for a week now.  I did spend a bit of time on Facebook on Sunday (which is totally legal, for those unfamiliar with the rules of Lent), and this morning I cheated a tiny, tiny bit.  I read two posts, and then I quit.  I am calling it OK to post links to blog entries, and I also got on Facebook on Saturday to post a "welcome baby" status message for the homebirth I had just doula-ed for (which was just so wonderful that I HAD to tell the world).  So I haven't followed my "no Facebook rule" exactly, but I also decided I wasn't going to be all legalistic about it.  I think I will choose to err on the side of grace.  :) 

My Facebook Fast has been going OK, except that today I actually "craved" Facebook.  I wasn't exactly sitting in a corner rocking back and forth and gnawing on my fingers, but I was close.  Have there been any studies done comparing withdrawal symptoms in crack addicts and Facebook addicts?  As a coping stragety, I just spent a very long time checking out the St. Patrick's Day parade route and the location of my church (where I will park tomorrow) on Google maps.  I think I was being so studious because what I REALLY wanted to do was get on Facebook.  So far, so good.  Now I am writing here.  More coping. 

I have definitely been learning some things about myself this past week, but I'm not ready to share them yet.  Honestly, it's not because they are terribly deep thoughts, but I really want to talk about the shallow stuff tonight.  So here goes:

The funniest thing I have noticed about myself on the Facebook Fast is that sometimes I think in status messages.  I don't know if I normally do this, but I think I might.  I would only post once a day at most, but I would (and still do) think about witty little things to say over Facebook much more than that.  What a pitiful thing to admit!!!  I have wanted to tell my Facebook friends so many things, many of which were most likely quite inane. 

Let's see--(I wish I would have kept a running list of all my phantom Facebook status messages.)--on Friday night I wanted to tell you that Matt and I had an evening to ourselves and we were spending half of it CLEANING.  Yes, cleaning.  That's the sad part.  The great part is that I kept hopping out of the kitchen and he kept escaping the bathroom so we could tell each other something very, very important.  We were, perhaps, being a bit avoidant, but we were also enjoying the rare luxury of uninterrupted conversation, and we tend to like each other's company quite a lot, so even in the midst of cleaning together we were enjoying our time. 

At about 9:30 that same night I wanted to post a status message that we had spontaneously decided to go find a music store and look for a couple of CDs, because I suddenly decided that I needed to spend birthday money on Mumford & Sons and The Avett Brothers.  The amazing thing about that would-have-been status message is that we had no kids at home, so we could just decide to leave!  It was amazing!  I thought that anyone hanging out on FB on Friday night might have wanted to know that little detail. 

At 3:45 on Saturday morning I wanted to post that I was headed to a birth, although I wouldn't have done that anyway since I wanted my client to be the first to share the news. 
I did share about the baby's birth, because, as I mentioned above, such an event was totally worth a bit of a Lenten cheat.

On Saturday night I wanted to tell you that there was a placenta being encapsulated in my kitchen.

And then on Sunday, when I could have posted a status message, I had nothing to say!

This week I wanted to share that my kids had snotty noses and coughs.
I wanted to announce that I was going to Science City today.
I wanted to complain that Amélie had tummy issues tonight which kept us away from Wednesday Blend.
I wanted to state my intent to brave the crazy crowds tomorrow and go to the parade.
But do you really care to know any of that? 

Here's what I have realized, however.  I do miss knowing what is going on in people's lives.  I feel out of the loop.  I like to feel connected to people.  And perhaps the sad thing is that I feel more connected to you if I can "like" the fact that your kid just pooped on the potty or that you got a new puppy or that you just did your first cartwheel in 20 years.  I might even do more than "like" your status, and I might actually comment on the poop or the puppy or the cartwheel! 

Don't get me wrong.  I like to "like" people's statuses, and I like to comment on people's statuses, and I really, really, really like it if you "like" my status or leave me a comment.  But if I am constantly thinking in status messages and "liking" and commenting, then I have a hard time thinking thoughts that are longer and deeper than 420 characters, and I may not remember to follow up on the sometimes heartbreaking things people post that I skim past in my obsessive reading. 
Will I go back to Facebook after Lent is over?  Absolutely. 
But I do hope that I am not as addicted.
Is that possible?

And would someone please hack into my Facebook account and post that Matt just dyed our puppy green?

Lent: this Bright Sadness

Before I reflect on the beginning of this year's Lenten season, I am going to copy and paste what I wrote last year the day after Ash Wednesday:

Let me say, first, that I am incredibly disappointed in how my Lent began. Last night I had to miss the Ash Wednesday service at Revolution because I had been at a birth since 1:30 in the morning and I was driving back home from the hospital during the service.

I had this idea in my head that Lent was going to be different this year because I was going to start it with the sacredness, the ritual, and the solemnity of an Ash Wednesday service. As I walked out of the service with the ashen cross swathed upon my forehead, I was going to walk through the portals of the sad beauty of Lent and into 40 days of quiet reflection and simplicity, and, perhaps, a bit of poetic melancholy.


Instead, at 7:00 last night, I was driving home, and I was exhausted, I was disheveled, I was hungry. I had witnessed a miracle that evening, for sure, and I don’t want to trivialize that. I had seen the wonder and beauty and sacredness of birth somehow unfolding under the artificial glare of a birth room spotlight. My experience at that birth was valuable and useful and beautiful and sacred, and if I had actually had the choice of attending the birth or attending the Ash Wednesday service I would have chosen the birth.

But I think that I had hoped for Ash Wednesday to be a magic pill that I would have had brushed across my forehead rather than swallowed.


But the thing is…while I wish I could have attended the service, it would not have been a magic pill. Perhaps I would have walked out of the service last night feeling peaceful and solemn, but this morning I would have woken up to my real life–the noisy, disorganized, crazy one. And then I would have felt disappointed that the magic feeling had faded away. And then I could have felt disillusioned. And then I might have given up.


Instead, my Lent beginning has been more fitting: it has begun in chaos rather than quietness. The quietness and the sacredness and the reflection of Lent are going to have to come with work. I have to carve it out of my day and into my heart. There is no Ash Thursday service to escape to tonight. It’s just my life, and the beautiful mess of it.


And so today, my Lenten season roots itself in a life that is blown about in the winds of chaos and battered by some uncertain storms. My hope and my prayer is that the holiness of this Lenten season plants itself in my heart and that it grows, and that I grow, and that, perhaps by Easter, something sacred within me will have bloomed.


Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen

I copy and paste those sentences from last year because apparently...I am not the most avid learner.

Tonight is Ash Wednesday.  I am, yet again, on call for a birth, and I thought that perhaps I would miss this service again.  Honestly, this time I was more at peace with that idea than I was last year, because I am incredibly excited to be part of the truly sacred experience of a homebirth with a wonderful person and friend.  But I didn't get the call, so I left the clutter, picked Matt up from work, and we all sped over to church....where, I was convinced, I would sit in my pew, hold Matt's hand, breathe deeply, sing beautiful old hymns, listen to a moving sermon, walk forward for my forehead to be swathed in ashes, and then I would quietly leave, with my soul at peace, my heart and rest, and my mind resolved to journey down the beautifully melancholy path of Lent armed with my fasting, my faith, and my God.  Then, I would go home, and, in honor of this holy season, my floor would magically be removed of Spiderman toys, scattered books, and stray socks.  It might somehow smell like incense too, just to really set the mood.  And I would turn on my computer and not be tempted by Facebook and blogs, from which I am fasting this Lenten season.  Also, I would not repeat the failures of the past years.  I wouldn't ever skip a day of Organic God: Lenten Meditations on the Words of Jesus.  I would get up early to spend time with God.  I would be spending all of that extra Facebook time praying or reading the Bible or feeding the starving children in my city.  I would walk through my home radiating peace and joy and hope.

But...did you read the above post from last year? 
That's not the way it works.
This year, I swallowed that "magic pill" of an Ash Wednesday service.
And I choked.
Here's what did happen.  I did, in fact, sit in my pew.  I did, every once in awhile, catch hold of Matt's hand, but he was so busy hopping up and down checking on Jack (and bless him for that--he knew how much this service meant to me, and he was trying to shield me from a distracting 3-year-old so I could experience at least some distant relative of peace).  I actually did love harmonizing to the beautiful, old hymns, when I wasn't peeking over my shoulder checking on Jack, who was totally clueless as to the day's holy bent.  I did hear most of Eric's sermon, but again, I was so distracted by that little boy of mine that I just couldn't sink into the words and let them challenge and encourage me.  I did walk forward to have my forehead swathed in ashes, but I had Jack perched on one hip, and he was heavy, and somehow the experience just didn't seem quite as holy while lugging 30-lbs of wiggling weight.  And I did leave, but not exactly quietly, because Jack was balking, and I couldn't find Matt and Amélie, and by the time I got to the car (actually, that's not true--I felt it coming on during the sermon), I really just wanted to bang my ashen forehead against my car dashboard and cry a very unholy, unwieldy, awkward, and completely unpeaceful cry.

And now here I am, yet again, beginning Lent with the harsh reminder that Lent is lived within the mess and muck and chaos.  How I long to carry out the beauty of Lent poetically.  That's what my soul longs for.  But then....  But then....  But then I am worshipping the poetry of Lent rather than the God of Lent.  And if I can journey through this Bright Sadness with a little grace, if I can find a little more light in the shadows of my soul's chiaroscuro, and if I can carve out for myself a bit more peace, I do believe that I will find some poetry in this beautiful mess, this chiaroscuro of my soul, this bright sadness.  And then I will be ready, I hope--oh, how I hope--to embrace the joy and the awakening and the new life of Easter. 

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen

Peace.

Reading Kingdom--TOS Review

If you know me even a tiny bit, you know that I love reading, so I was excited to be able to review a reading program for the TOS crew!  Reading Kingdom is a program designed to teach 4-10 year-olds how to read and write at a 3rd grade level.  Here are some of the advantages of the Reading Kingdom program, according to its website:

• It customizes itself to each child
• Most children can do the program on their own after just a few weeks
• It's fun and children enjoy doing it
• It's created by Dr. Marion Blank, one of the world's top experts in literacy
• It works with any other curriculum a child may be using
• And, it's the only system that teaches all 6 skills needed for reading & writing success!

Kids are first run through a skills survey that helps to place them in the correct level.  If kids are not yet able to maneuver quickly around a keyboard, they complete a series of lessons helping them become more comfortable using a mouse and a keyboard.  Amélie is quite comfortable with finding letters on the keyboard (in fact, I was surprised at how well she did!), so I skipped this portion with her and then moved on into the skills survey.  She placed in Level 2, which honestly surprised me, because she is a very good reader.  However, I will admit I wondered if she would be placed lower than her ability level when she was doing the skills survey, because sometimes she made errors when she did not quite understand what she was supposed to do, or she accidentally tapped the wrong key.  (And I do realize that I am sounding here like a parent who thinks her daughter is smarter than she actually is, but I'm genuinely sincere--and genuinely correct--in believing that she was placed at a lower level than she should have been.)  :)  I wish that what she was doing in Level 2 was more of a challenge for her, but she enjoys the days that I let her use this program to supplement our reading program, and I think that the review is great practice for her. 

I am honestly the most excited about using this program with my 3 1/2 year-old son, who, while certainly still a pre-reader, knows most of his letter sounds (he knows more letter sounds than he does letter names, which I think is funny), and is starting to understand that the text on a page contains words that make up a story.  He is a tiny bit young for this program as of yet, I think.  When he uses Reading Kingdom right now he is just working on knowing where the letters are on the keyboard.  He got a little tired of this, so I am letting him take a bit of a break, and then we will dive back in.  I have access to this program until next February, and I am fairly convinced, based on what I have seen Amélie do, that he will have fun using this program...and it will help him learn how to read while he thinks he is just having fun.  :)

Subscriptions to Reading Kingdom are $19.99/month with no monthly minimum, or $199.99 if you purchase a 12 month subscription. If you have multiple children using the program, the cost per each additional child in your family is $9.99/month.  If you think you might like to try this program, but you just aren't quite sure you wan to make the commitment, you can try out Reading Kingdom completely risk-free for one month--you don't even have to give your credit card number!  :)  If you have any questions about the program, I am convinced, based on my experience in corresponding with this company, that you will also receive excellent customer service.  You can't lose!  And I think you will do more than not lose--I think that your kids could easily become yet another Reading Kingdom success story.

If you would like to see what my other crewmates are saying about this product, you can check out their reviews here.


Disclaimer: As a member of the TOS Homeschool Crew I was provided a free copy of this product for my honest evaluation. I was given no other compensation for this review.