faking it

That got your attention, didn't it? 
What might I be faking?
It is nothing scandalous. 
No, nothing of the sort. 
Want to know what I am faking? 
I am faking being busy so that no one will talk to me.  I am trying to buy 5 minutes of quiet. 
So far, these past 30 seconds have been a complete failure.
Do your kids talk to you non-stop?  Mine do.  And I love their chatter.  But at this time of day, which is now 4:39 p.m., I have used up all of my listening skills, my patience, and my words.  I actually enjoy sitting here (I am getting a brief reprieve) and not feeling my tongue moving in my mouth.  That is weird, isn't it?  But true, oh so true. 
I just don't have any more creative ideas, empathic responses, or attentive listening left in me.  I am done.  Finished.

I just had to referee an argument.  Jack wants to play with Amélie's Barbies.  Amélie doesn't want him to.  He technically isn't playing with her Barbies.  He is actually playing with his Spiderman in her Barbie house.  Same difference.  "He's going to make a MESS of my room!!!!!  He RUINS things!  He LOSES things!  This is HORRIBLE!!!"  Insert appropriately dramatic hand gestures and vocal inflections.

I am done with drama for the day.

Actually, I have more to say than to whine and complain.  :)  I really do. 
It is now September 20th, and I never announced what my September project would be in my Year of Mindfulness.  I didn't announce it because it quickly became an epic FAIL and I decided to hold off a month.  This month's mindfulness project was supposed to be mindful eating. 
I am HORRIBLE at eating mindfully.
I eat too fast, b/c I never know when I am going to be interrupted or called up on to intervene in a catastrophe of epic proportions.
I often have no clue what I am eating, because sometimes I commit the cardinal rule of eating at the table and reading and only pretending to listen to the conversation floating around me or the food I am inserting into my mouth.
I often eat when I am stressed, because eating spoonfuls of peanut butter, tablespoonfuls of Nutella, or chunks of sharp cheddar cheese is a quicker fix than closing my eyes and taking deep breaths.
I often eat when I am tired, because I think it is going to give me energy, and while eating for energy is true on a certain level, eating more will not compensate for the lack of energy I feel from lack of sleep.
And sometimes, I don't pay attention to what I am eating because I am living in my own little world in my own little head, and what is going on in the "real" world, including the motion of fork to mouth, is automatic rather than intentional.
So, October will be my month of Mindful Eating.  If you would like to join me on my quest, both for encouragement and to stay accountable, please let me know!  The more the merrier. 
I'm just thinking that it's a good thing Halloween is at the END of the month and not the beginning.  :)

I think I got about two minutes of quiet in there.  That's a start.

the mindfulness project

In church on Sunday Matt outed me (although I don't know that anyone noticed).  I am starting a mindfulness project.  I am horrible at being mindful.  Ask my kids how many times a week (OK, a day) I lose my keys.  Ask my husband how many cups of coffee I misplace.  Ask me where my head is at any given minute...and chances are I don't know. 
It drives me crazy.  There's a good chance it drives my kids crazy.  Matt is very kind, but deep down I know that some days he would like to strangle me with my key chain (metaphorically, of course).

I know everyone is doing a project.  There is Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project.  There is A. J. Jacob's The Guinea Pig Diaries and The Year of Living Biblically.  Then there is Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.  And, of course, there's the book that started my project-reading craze, Julie and Julia.  Then there are zillions of little people like me starting their own little projects.

So, what I am saying is that the last thing this world needs is yet another year-long project.  And I am aware of the fact that I am perhaps a bit cliché for doing this.  But I'm doing this for me, and if my idea is tired and old and cliché, so be it.  I'm not even entirely convinced I'm going to blog about it.  This little project may best be kept under wraps and in between the pages of my journal.  I haven't decided yet.  But I have decided, at least, to introduce you to my project, and if you have any ideas or thoughts, please feel free to offer them. 

Here's the plan: I am going to take on a bit of mindfulness each month and then I am going to research it, live it, and write about it.  Here are my ideas so far (in no particular order):

Journaling (I do think this will be my first month's project.  I already journal, but I would like to be more consistent, and I think I might do better with mindfulness if I sort of reintroduced myself to myself.)
Eating (I would like to learn to savor my food rather than snarf it.)
Relationships (i.e., being totally present with the people I am with and not writing a blog entry while listening to Matt talk about his day.  Not that I am doing that this very second.  Nope.  Not me.)
Keys/Putting Things Away (this should gift me with at least 30 extra minutes a day).
Prayer (I am the queen of distractibility when I am trying to pray.  I can go from prayer to my to-do list in approximately 3.5 seconds.)
Yoga (Namaste.)
Meditation (Inhale...exhale...)
Nature (not sure what this one might involve--staring at trees?  studying flower petals?  spying on ants?)
Affirming thoughts (One day I listened to myself talk to myself, and I decided I wasn't a very good friend to myself.)

I realize that is only 9 months worth of being mindful.  That's where you come in!  Any other ideas?  In what other areas could I focus a month being mindful?